When The Darkness Comes
by xstormqueenx
Summary: With the dead walking, Lourdes Manawa is forced to stop living and start surviving, sacrificing who she is along the way. {AU}.
1. In Our Chaos Is Calculation

**Author's Note:** In terms of the existence of zombies specifically in the FTWD universe, this story deliberately goes against canon to explore the idea of how these characters would react to the blurring of the lines between fiction and reality. In regards to this story, it will loosely follow the television show, but I will be altering events as the plot progresses. I will also be attempting to keep the family alive apart from a few certain unavoidable instances, as _When The Darkness Comes_ largely centers on the family dynamic, and killing core characters would impact negatively upon the story. Videos for characters canon and original, can be found on my Youtube channel via the link on my profile.

* * *

 **In Our Chaos Is Calculation**

"Is that meant to be ironic?" Tobias said tersely, eyes narrowing.

Lourdes smoothed down the front of her faded t-shirt, her brow furrowing. "Yeah, it's a complete symphony of satire," she said, rolling her eyes. "With tropes amongst the trumpets and wit amidst the woodwind."

"I refuse to engage in a war of words with you," Tobias said, swinging his computer chair round, turning his back on her.

Lourdes crossed her arms over her chest, obscuring the words that had upset Tobias so, _THIS IS MY ZOMBIE KILLING SHIRT._ She'd donned it that day without thinking, nobody else reacting to the slogan except Tobias. His obsession with the undead was only eclipsed by his love for Lara Croft, but as of late, his fixation had become a witch-hunt, his fascination evolving into fear. The recent flu outbreak had seen Tobias trekking through Tor, spending every night on the Dark Web searching for the truth, convinced the government were orchestrating a large-scale cover-up. He'd become so paranoid, Lourdes only had to sneeze, and Tobias would dive for cover, convinced her germs would see him joining the ranks of the snake gods.

His fervour disturbed Lourdes, even as it lured her in, enveloping her in its embrace. Together they'd burned Tobias's George Romero film posters, Tobias solemnly announcing in sepulchral tones they were sacrificing ancient fable for unbridled reality, trading fiction for fact. In that moment, Lourdes had suffered a moment of cruel clarity, that this was precisely why she and Tobias were so unpopular, relegated to the sidelines of high school society. Nobody wanted to know about irrational numbers or how a polyhedron had a polygonal base and triangular sides with a common vertex.

"Look at this, Lo," Tobias said loftily, angling the computer screen in her direction, "and see if this piece of visual communication proves me correct in my assumptions about the undead" -

\- "Pass me a sleeping bag, Toby," Lourdes said, rolling her eyes again, "I've got a feeling I'm gonna be here all night."

Tobias just fixed her with an icy glare, Lourdes ignoring him, stooping down to see the screen, her hair falling around her face, framing it with darkness. With a heavy sigh, Tobias clicked play, filling the silence with static, Lourdes watching the scene unfold, the picture grainy and dark, making it hard to make out exactly what was happening. The footage looked like it had been taken from a window, going straight into zoom, focusing on a small figure in an alleyway, the camera shaking, making the figure blur in and out of focus. What disturbed Lourdes the most though was the way it just stood there, its stillness unnerving. But before she could blink, it suddenly shot forwards, staggering at an almost sprint, its head flapping sideways onto its shoulder, becoming almost detached from its neck.

Lourdes violently reeled back, Tobias muting the screams, his face filled with pompous satisfaction. "See?" he said, trying and failing to hide his triumph.

"See what?" Lourdes tried to say coolly, her heart still pounding in her chest.

"The truth!" Tobias exclaimed, flapping his flabby hand at the screen.

"It looks fake," Lourdes said, struggling to keep her voice steady.

Tobias just looked at her as though she'd just thrown up a hairball. " _It looks fake?_ " he echoed icily. "Are you _blind?_ "

"Okay, you don't need to start insulting the visually impaired to get your point across," Lourdes snapped. "I get it. You believe it's real. If you want to be cozened, that's your choice, not mine."

"If I want to be tempted by the truth, so be it," Tobias said, assuming what Lourdes called his Spock air, "you can't stop me from being lured onto the rocks."

"Let me be your Lorelei instead," Lourdes said mockingly. "You know you want to."

"Where art thou oh Rhine?" Tobias pretended to ponder.

"Geography jerk," Lourdes muttered, picking up his battered Pikachu, turning it over in her hands.

"Mythology whore," Tobias taunted, spinning round and round on his seat.

"So says the token Tolkein tart," Lourdes parried.

"You win," Tobias said, sighing heavily, spinning to a stop.

"Don't I always?" Lourdes said with supreme satisfaction.

 _I don't ever think about death_  
 _It's alright if you do, it's fine_  
 _We gladiate but I guess we're really fighting ourselves_  
 _Roughing up our minds so we're ready when the kill time comes…_

* * *

"Late night study session again?" Alicia asked, leaning against the doorway, making Lourdes glance up.

"None of your beeswax," Lourdes said lightly, resuming her search for her broderie anglaise blouse. Why her father thought she and Alicia could be best friends forever was beyond her. He thought they would bond over straight As and acceptance letters, but the opposite had occurred, each girl instantly disliking the other on sight. For Alicia, she didn't appreciate the extra competition, whilst Lourdes couldn't stomach Alicia's superior set-downs. But Lourdes's flippant tone belied the sleepless night she'd spent tossing and turning, haunted by the small figure in the alleyway, her imagination adding shade and tone to the memory; the smell of smoke, the breeze ruffling her black hair, the scrape of its feet over the concrete as it came towards her -

"Whoa, what's with you?" Alicia said, startling Lourdes. "Why are you all spaced out? You high or something?"

Lourdes did a double-take. "Do I look like Nick to you?" she said before she could stop herself, her words making Alicia pale.

"Screw you," Alicia spat, before turning on her heel and leaving, her long brown hair whirling behind her. Lourdes just ignored her, continuing her search, trying to repress her regret, fighting herself. That had been a low blow about Alicia's big brother, but Alicia had made an even lower accusation. If Alicia wasn't invading Lourdes's privacy, she was taunting her about Tobias, or telling tales to Travis and Madison about Lourdes staying out too late, making out Lourdes was making out with whackjob guys on the sly.

Travis knew Lourdes too well to pay any heed to Alicia's fables, but Alicia's mother was a whole other story. Madison was the guidance counsellor at Lourdes's new school, and she had a habit of bringing her work home with her. She tended to bully and baby Tobias like a mother hen, shielding him from the other teachers, seeing potential in him when they didn't. Now thanks to Alicia's big mouth, Madison was turning her maternal guns on Lourdes, waylaying her at home and in the school hallway, always watching, waiting for Lourdes to crack like Nick had.

Lourdes liked Madison well enough, even as she annoyed her with her constant slang and offhand approach to life. But if Madison was going to worry about anyone, it should have been about her own daughter. To the world Alicia presented an unruffled facade, oddly mature, calm and self-contained. But behind closed doors, she lost that strange dignity and reverted back to childhood, behaving like a spoilt brat. It didn't take a psychiatrist to see Alicia was overcompensating, driving herself to desperate lengths so she wouldn't end up like her brother, condemned to the wasteland of life.

Abandoning her search for her broderie anglaise blouse, Lourdes settled for her Snoopy t-shirt instead, the yellow having faded to a bitter butter shade. Snatching it up, along with her favourite ripped jeans, she pulled out clean underwear from her bottom drawer before heading for the bathroom. Back at her mother's apartment, Lourdes had her own bathroom, a luxury she'd only come to appreciate since moving into Madison's house. Come this weekend though, she'd be back in her old room, with only space and silence before her, her little brother supposedly spending the weekend here instead.

Lourdes had chosen to live with Travis, whilst Christopher had made the decision to stay with their mother Liza. But she'd made her choice without any animosity, whilst Christopher had launched himself on a one-man crusade against Travis. Lourdes had been relieved when her parents had split up, but the divorce had broken something in Christopher, turning him into a monster. Lourdes had never seen her brother so angry before, and the ferocity of his rages frightened her, even as she hid her fear, hoping it was just a phase he was going through.

The settlement had involved sharing custody of the children, laying out that Lourdes spent one weekend with her mother, whilst Christopher spent the same weekend with Travis, then swapping over the next week; the following week then seeing both teenagers stay the weekend with Travis, then swapping over again, spending it with Liza instead. Whilst Lourdes had adapted to these arrangements with ease, dropping by her mother's during the week as well, Christopher had dug his heels in, kicking up merry hell. It was only now that he'd reluctantly agreed to stay over at Madison's, but Lourdes suspected he would be a no show, going AWOL all over again.

As she reached for the bathroom door handle, Alicia was there, almost appearing out of thin air, barging past her, slamming the bathroom door in Lourdes's startled face. As the bang bounced off the walls, making them shudder, Lourdes suddenly snapped, throwing herself against the hardwood, pounding it with her fists. "You goddamn bitch!" she bellowed, rattling the door handle. "I was first!"

"And you need to be quicker on the draw," Madison said sagely, sailing past, "it's survival of the fittest around here."

* * *

"Lourdes, come on!" Madison yelled, banging two bowls down on the table.

"I'm not eating that, Mom," Alicia said, throwing the bag of bread aside.

"It's gluten frickin' free," Madison snapped, before yelling for Lourdes again.

"Sorry, didn't quite catch that part," Travis said from under the sink. "Could you repeat it again, please?"

"Ha, ha," Madison said, deadpan. "You're so funny, babe."

"Yeah, you'll be on _Saturday Night Live_ next," Alicia said, rolling her eyes. "I can hardly wait."

At this point, Lourdes stormed into the kitchen, her dark hair dripping, face furious. Before Madison could react, she was launching herself at Alicia, jabbing her finger in her face. "Bathroom-swerve me again," she spat, "and I'll rip your hair out. Understood?"

"Whoa, whoa," Madison said, hauling Lourdes back by the arm, "calm it down. It's breakfast time, not battle-time."

Lourdes fell back, still seething, Alicia smirking.

"Sit down, honey," Madison said, shooting her daughter a warning glare, "and I'll fix you up something."

Lourdes reluctantly obeyed, the screech of her chair making Madison wince. Then Alicia's cell suddenly went off, blasting some obscure rap number, startling everyone, Alicia included. She got up, leaving the room, only answering it when she was out of earshot.

Seeing her gone, Travis emerged from underneath the sink. "What's with the bitch-fest, Lo?" Travis said, half sitting up, trying to cover up his concern with humour. "You were giving Joan Rivers a run for her money there."

"She _bathroom-swerved_ me, Dad," Lourdes snapped, "it's like one of the seven sins."

Travis repressed a grin at this, Madison doing the same, burying her blonde head in the cupboard.

Lourdes glanced at the sink parts scattered across the tiles, distracted despite herself. "What's going on?" she asked, brow furrowing. "Am I witnessing the birth of yet another pet project?" Her father's pet projects had acquired legendary status within the Manawa family, his attempts at DIY usually ending in destruction. The memory of his attempts at building a rabbit hutch from scratch still made Lourdes crack up with laughter, but not now.

"I'm trying to save money," Travis said loftily. "Three hundred dollars to be exact."

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it," Lourdes quoted, slumping back in her seat.

"It _is_ broken," Travis countered, "which is why I'm fixing it."

"You should really phone the plumber, babe," Madison reproved, making Lourdes wince. Her father was human, not a hog, as Lourdes had once remarked to Tobias during a discourse about Madison's extravagant use of endearments.

"Oh ye of little faith," Travis intoned, ducking under the sink again.

"His number's on the fridge," Madison continued, pulling out a packet of Pop-Tarts, "the Poirers highly recommended him." At this, the house phone started ringing, the sound strangely ominous. "Would you get that, sweetheart?" Madison asked Lourdes, going over to the fridge. "If it's Sarah from the PTA, tell her I'm not in."

Lourdes rolled her eyes, dragging herself over to the kitchen counter. "Hello?" she trilled, answering the call. "Clark residence, may I ask who's calling?" But as the person at the other end of the line started speaking, reeling off a list of details Lourdes didn't hear, she took a step back, crashing into the counter, the words _car, Nick, hospital,_ clashing together like cymbals in her skull.

"What's wrong, honey?" Madison said, stepping forwards, face anxious. "Who is it?"

"It's - it's Nick," Lourdes stuttered, "he's - he's had an accident" -

Madison snatched the phone from her, Travis clambering out from under the sink, smacking his head off its underside. As Madison started firing frantic sentences down the line, Travis staggering to his feet, Lourdes left the room, her head spinning, barging past Alicia who was sitting on the stairs, her mobile clamped to her ear, oblivious to her brother's fate. In one moment, everything had changed, but Lourdes now realised what nobody else did yet, that the world would never be the same again.


	2. Take A Breath

**Take A Breath**

 _Bruised rib, contusions, delusional, ran into traffic with intent..._ Lourdes looked down Nick's fragile features, his dark eyes almost staring unseeingly back at her. The doctor wouldn't tell her what was in the toxicology report, but it was obvious Nick was coming down from a bad high. Heroin was his drug of choice, but he was known to dabble. Ever since her dad had started dating Madison, trips to Nick's bedside had become a regular occurrence. It always began the same way; Nick would disappear for days at a time, only for a cop to turn up on the doorstep to inform them Nick had been found shooting up in some alleyway, or passed out in a crack den, stripped of everything from his common sense down to his shoes.

But this time, things were different, something had changed. This was the longest Nick had been away from home, driving Madison out of her mind with worry. It was like he'd disappeared off the face of the earth. The police could find no trace of him, the missing posters becoming ripped and torn as time passed, their ink running, distorting Nick's picture until it was unrecognizable, making him resemble a rotting corpse.

Wherever Lourdes went, she looked for him, searching for him the face of strangers. Despite the drugs, Nick was bizarrely non-threatening, with a gently melodious voice and distant dark eyes, cutting an eccentric figure with his romantically flowing shirts always open at the waist and home-cut hair. He gave the impression of always being lost, strangely childish, almost like he'd fallen from the pages of _Peter Pan_. He was as different from Alicia as night and day, Nick absentmindedly breaking the rules whilst Alicia rigidly upheld them. Lourdes felt oddly protective of him, even if he was the elder, her maternal attitude endlessly amusing Nick during his sober streaks, leading him to nickname her _Mother Hen._

"Nick," one of the cops said, stepping in front of Lourdes, waving his hand in front of Nick's face, "you with us, buddy?"

Nick just smiled crookedly, his eyes crinkling up at the corners.

The cops exchanged a look over Lourdes's dark head. "Okay," the first cop said slowly, "let's start again. You were taking a walk?"

"Yes," Nick said slowly, watching the old man in the next bed, his attention wandering once more.

"You were running, Nick," Lourdes interjected, her voice cracking, remembering all over again, _ran into traffic with intent_.

"I'm training for a marathon, Lo," Nick said, bestowing the ghost of a wink upon her.

"Barefoot, down Needle Alley?" the second cop said incredulously.

"Kenyans run barefoot," Nick said knowledgeably.

"You said someone got hurt," the first cop said, pulling out a small notebook, "remember that?"

Nick shrugged his shoulders, Lourdes half turning away from him, his forced flippancy getting on her last nerve. He didn't seem to realise how close he was to dying every time he OD'd, walking the knife-edge every time, the darkness waiting below.

"You spoke about blood, guts and viscera," the first cop continued, reading his handwritten list of notes like a litany. "Ring a bell?"

Lourdes glanced sharply at Nick, just in time to see a shadow pass over his face, the same shadow that had touched her last night. Then it was gone, as if it never existed, Nick smiling again, that vague quirk of his lips that annoyed Lourdes so. "Runner's high, man," he drawled, winking at Lourdes again.

But she just shook her head at him, tired of his evasion, the games he always played, trying to stay one step ahead when he was really several steps behind. This time he had gone too far, crossing a line he'd never dared to before. She'd never seen him sink this low, his bloodshot gaze darting restlessly around the room, restraints pinioning his long limbs to the bed.

"Tell us where you scored, son," the second cop said quietly. "Lots of kids buyin' in that hood. We go in there, clean it up, and you come out a hero."

Nick just laughed, a strange high-pitched, almost hysterical sound.

"You could have died, Nick!" Lourdes exploded, losing her customary cool.

"Couldawouldashould've, Mother Hen," Nick reeled off, glancing over at the old man in the next bed again. "The 'rents send you here to hold my hand?" he then said, jaw ticking.

Lourdes looked away, Nick knowing his mother's tactics all too well. Lourdes was the canary down the coal mine, always sent in first to scent danger. She was the only one who could handle Nick after a bad high, suffering his erratic moodswings and bizarre behaviour. Alicia would cradle her brother's head in her lap, and clean up his vomit without a qualm, but his fragile emotional state was something she steered well clear of, as though his constant fall from grace was contagious, corrupting her own state of perfection. Lourdes was the calm before the storm, preparing the field, clearing a path for Madison so she could reach her son.

"Is my son under arrest?" Madison called over as she came through the swing doors, finally done with filling out Nick's paperwork, Travis trailing at her high heels as ever.

"No, ma'am" -

\- "Well, get out then," Madison said abruptly. "Leave."

"We could charge him" -

\- "Charge him when he's healed," Madison said, starting to lose her temper. "But for now, go away."

The first cop glanced over at Travis, sizing him up. "She do all the talkin'?" he fired at Travis, his misogyny making Lourdes roll her eyes.

"Get. Out," Madison said, spitting the words like bullets.

The cops exchanged glances, before turning and leaving, but not before handing Travis a card with their contact details on it. "I'm not so eloquent," Travis tried to smile, taking it. The cops just ignored him, stalking out, their elbows clipping Alicia's as she finally made her appearance, hanging back, her face a blank mask.

Madison watched them leave, before turning to face Lourdes. "What happened?" she asked urgently, falling into their usual well-worn routine, Lourdes acting as the middle-man between mother and son, Madison knowing all too well she would never get a straight answer from Nick.

"LA is not a pedestrian friendly city," Lourdes said, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Don't start playing Nick's games, Lourdes," Madison said tiredly. "You're better than that."

Lourdes looked down at her hands, fighting the urge to go and smash something up. It always came down to this, the brief spark of rebellion, Lourdes always telling herself she would stop being the buffer, that she would stand apart and alone, emulating Christopher's example. But even as her anger gained strength by the day, she always wasted it on Alicia and their petty squabbles, just like she had this morning. But she was too much her father's daughter, always anxious to do the right thing, the fight fading from her, making her fold her hands in her lap, Lourdes looking up at Madison almost expectantly.

"Why the restraints?" Madison prompted gently. "Has he tried to hurt himself?"

Lourdes shook her head mutely.

"Why do you never ask me these questions yourself, Mom?" Nick flared up, making Madison turn away from him. "She's not your mouthpiece! I have a voice!"

"I'm phoning for a bed," Madison said quietly to Travis, pulling out her cell.

"Mom, don't!" Nick said, trying and failing to sit up. "I'm not going back there!"

"This is the only way we can help you, Nick," Travis said, stepping forwards, shooting Alicia a worried glance, her calm demeanour alarming him as always, knowing there was a storm brewing beneath the still surface.

" _You_ definitely can't help me," Nick said, falling still, averting his face. "You can't do _shit_."

"Hey," Madison admonished. "That's enough, Nick."

"Oh, she's speaking to me now," Nick intoned to nobody in particular, "the woman who gave me life, finally acknowledges my presence" -

"Nick" - Lourdes began, seeing the danger signs when the others didn't.

"Send them away, Lo," Nick said, turning his head from side to side, the tears welling in his eyes. "Just send them away."

"I'm your sister, Nick, not her!" Alicia snapped, stepping forwards, face suddenly alive with anger.

"Just go, Lish," Lourdes said tiredly, only for Alicia to round on her.

"What, are you going to _make_ me leave?" Alicia said dangerously. "I'd like to see you try" -

\- "Calm down, Alicia," Travis interjected, only for Alicia to whirl on him.

"Back off," she spat, startling him, "this is none of your business."

"Alicia!" -

\- "It isn't anything to do with him, Mom" -

\- "Just go and wait in the car" -

\- "No, I won't! Why should I? This is _our_ family, not theirs."

* * *

As Travis paced the mosaicked floor, Lourdes leaned against the balcony, looking down at the world below, the sun beating down on her head. It was still early morning, and her Snoopy t-shirt was wringing with sweat, making Lourdes fervently hope her deodorant would hold out past first period. Not that it looked like she would be making it to school any time soon, not with the way everything was unravelling. Just as she thought this, Travis's cell went off, making both father and daughter jump violently.

Travis studied the screen for a moment before finally answering the call. "Liza?" he said, making Lourdes's head snap up at the mention of her mother's name.

"Did you find him?" Liza asked, no standing on ceremony.

"Yeah," Travis said, exhaling sharply, "just wanted to let you guys know."

"He okay?"

"Banged up, but he'll recover."

"The hard part comes now."

"Yeah," Travis agreed fervently, remembering the recent showdown. "You wanna speak to Lourdes?" he then asked, glancing at his daughter.

"Sure."

Travis passed the cell over, Lourdes gratefully taking it. Despite Christopher, Liza's house was an oasis of calm compared to the Clark household. The thought of fleeing there was almost unbearably appealing to Lourdes, making her wish the weekend was already here. "Hey, _mamá_ ," Lourdes said, struggling to keep her voice steady.

"You okay, _bebita?_ " Liza asked, instantly concerned.

Lourdes hesitated, her mind a whirlpool of almost headless figures, unfinished homework, the shadow that had crossed Nick's face. "I'm holding up," she said uneasily, shifting from one foot to the other.

"You still on for the weekend?" Liza said, something in her tone instantly setting Lourdes on edge.

"I always am, Mom," Lourdes said, lapsing back into English upon addressing Liza, "you know that."

Liza sighed heavily, her silence more telling than words.

"It's Chris, isn't it?" Lourdes exploded, making Travis whirl around. "He's kicking off again" -

\- "I don't want to go, Lourdes," Christopher bellowed in the background, making Lourdes realise Liza had her on speakerphone.

"It's your dad's weekend," Liza argued with him.

"I don't want to go" -

\- "You have to stop doing this, Chris," Lourdes bellowed down the line. "You're just acting like a brat" -

\- "Let me talk to him," Travis said, reaching for the cell.

"I don't want to talk to him!" Christopher yelled, the screech of his chair making Lourdes wince.

"He doesn't want to talk to you," Lourdes repeated to Travis, making him uncharacteristically lose his cool, startling her by kicking a pillar.

"When does he!?" Travis snapped. "Tell me that, Lo, when was the last time my son actually spoke to me, his own father!?"

Lourdes turned away from him, shades of Madison and Nick entering stage left. If she wasn't their middle-man, she was her family's, trying and failing to broker deals between the factions. "Chris, don't do this," she pleaded, knowing he was now on the line, his harsh breathing giving him away.

"I don't want to go," Christopher tried to say reasonably, Lourdes's influence over him making itself felt against his will, "I have a say in this" -

\- "Don't start the law speak" -

\- "I'm seeing Dante this Saturday," Christopher almost whined, "and I don't want to spend the weekend in a hospital" -

\- "Chris" -

\- "Fine, force me," Christopher said, warming to his theme, "tell me what tortures Dad has planned for this weekend, Lourdes. I can just envision us bonding by the bedside of that drug addled idiot, drinking lukewarm coffee from the machine together, one of the nurses lending us a dime towards a refill, Dad quoting extensively from _The Scarlet Plague_ " -

\- "I just want us to be a family again, Chris," Lourdes said, cutting across him, the tears springing to her eyes. "But you keep blocking Dad at every turn" -

\- "How can we be a family when _she's_ there, with _them?_ " Christopher hissed.

At this, Lourdes cut the call off, unable to take anymore. Without a word, she handed the cell to Travis, before going back over to the balcony, feeling the full weight of her father's worried stare.

* * *

"I've got college counselling today," Madison said, rumpling up her blonde hair in agitation, "and the kids have application forms that I said I'd go over with them" -

\- "Well, go," Travis said, "take the kids to school, I'll stay here with Nick" -

\- "But I've got to find a facility where's he's not already black-listed," Madison said, glancing over at Alicia, who'd returned back to being brittle and distant again, curled up in a chair, texting God knew who, her head moving with cool precision in time to the erratic beat emanating from her head-phones.

"I'll do that," Travis said, following her glance, his gaze then settling on Lourdes, noting with some worry how pale she was now, "Stacey can sub me, it's not like I'm teaching a full classroom, not with this flu outbreak" -

\- "I just can't leave Nick like this," Madison said, her voice cracking.

"Leave him with me."

Madison tearfully stared at Travis, her mouth trembling, making Lourdes turn away, even though it was infinitely preferable to how Madison usually looked at Travis, like he was some ageing Adonis. With his craggy face and middle-aged spread, Travis was no dreamboat. But Madison acted like he was every woman's oestrogen fuelled fantasy rolled into one package, jumping his bones at every chance she got.

"I'll stay with him," Travis pressed, taking Madison's hands in his.

"I'm sorry, babe," Madison apologised, even as she uncharacteristically capitulated.

"Why?"

 _For addressing you like you're an prime piece of pork, a slice of fine swine_ , Lourdes thought sarcastically, glancing through the glass at Nick, who was staring up at the ceiling as if it were a sky full of stars.

"Because you didn't sign up for this," Madison said impatiently.

"I did" -

\- "No, you didn't" -

\- "I signed up for _precisely_ this" -

\- "No-you-did-not!" -

\- "I did when I fell in love with you," Travis said, silencing Madison. "And I'm doing this because I love you" -

\- "Don't - don't get sentimental," Madison snapped, before wincing, regretting her words.

Travis looked at her, brow furrowing slightly. "Did you just throw up in your mouth a little?" he said, making Madison smile despite herself.

"Yeah," she admitted, Travis smiling now as well, drawing her to him, her arms going up around his neck. At the sight of them enjoying the umpteenth passionate embrace of the morning, Lourdes escaped into Nick's room, wanting to see how he was before she left, whether he'd calmed down enough for her to leave without fretting he was going to freak out again after she was gone.

He glanced up as she came in, his dark gaze struggling to focus on her, making him frown with the effort. "Mother Hen," he said, trying and failing to sit up, "your feathers look ever so slightly ruffled."

"Christopher," she said simply, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"That lil tyke," Nick said, shaking his head ruefully. "Needs a good spanking if you ask me."

Lourdes smiled slightly at this, only for it to fade in the face of Nick's self-inflicted suffering. "Why do you do this to yourself?" she asked quietly, smoothing the badly cut hair back from his brow.

"Because I can," Nick said smartly.

Lourdes looked away, exhaling sharply. "How are you now?" she said lightly, feigning flippancy.

"Same old, same old," Nick said, rolling his eyes, "orange Jello, some nightmares, green Jello, some more nightmares" -

\- "Nightmares?"

"Yeah, nightmares, Lo," Nick said, "dark dreams, the vomit of reality."

"About what you seen?" Lourdes pressed, curious. "Or what you thought you seen?" she hastily amended, remembering what the cop had said about blood, guts and viscera, his words implying Nick had taken a really bad trip, hallucinating himself almost into insanity.

"I'm not insane, Lourdes," Nick said with sudden clarity, reading her thoughts like a book. "Far from it."

"What, it was real?"

Nick nodded.

"But what exactly was it that you saw, Nick?" Lourdes said, confused now.

"Untie me, and I'll tell you," Nick said, holding his arm out to her.

"I can't" -

\- "What, you think I'm dangerous" -

\- "No, I don't," Lourdes flared up, "but you ran into traffic, Nick" -

\- "I was running _from_ , not _to_ ," Nick corrected her.

"From _what_ though?"

Silence.

"A - a girl," Nick then said with some difficulty, "Gloria - um - she was my friend, y'know, and she... Jesus Christ..." - He pressed the back of his head against the pillows, staring at Lourdes, the pain in his eyes instantly making her reach out to him, Nick grabbing her hand, holding onto it for dear life, almost hurting her. "Okay, you buy on the corner," he said in a rush, "and you can shoot at the church - it's a - a junkie commune - Glo - well, she was with me when - when I scored, and yeah, she - she was with me when I nodded - she was there - she was beside me but then..."

Lourdes waited, Nick struggling to get the words out.

"Everyone was _dead_ ," he said, making her heart stop in her chest, "there was blood and it was all over her mouth - then she came at me" - His voice gave out again, his mouth trembling, his jaw working.

"What did she do?" Lourdes whispered, waiting for the world to turn upside down, only to realise it already was.

"Sh - sh - she was _eating_ ," Nick said, almost irrationally enjoying the agony, purging himself by confessing to Lourdes, "she was eating _them_ , and she was going to eat _me_."

 _If I got to go first_  
 _I'll do it on my terms_  
 _I'm tired of traitors always changing sides_  
 _They were friends of mine…_


	3. Playing Dangerous

**Playing Dangerous**

Lourdes sat in the back-seat of Madison's car, the streets flashing by, the world a lie, something parents used to comfort their children with. Alicia sat upfront, blocking out her mother's prattle with music, the erratic beat filling the vacuum of silence. Lourdes bowed her head, clasping her hands, almost as though in prayer. Nick was wrong. There was no Gloria or guts being spilled, no girl trying to tear his flesh apart. It was the creation of a drugged imagination, chemicals using his thoughts as their canvas.

Trying to convince herself this was true, she pulled out her cell, forcing herself to focus on the screen, flipping through picture after picture, the random images as random as her thoughts. Her and Tobias on the sidewalk outside his house, Chris sullen, Chris sulky, Chris surprisingly smiling, too many of her with her arm around the Cruz family's pet German Shepherd called Timmy, her mother caught unawares in the kitchen, her father and Madison gurning like fools on the beach, Nick posing with a fedora, even one of Alicia leaning against some railings, the sunlight creating a strange halo around her head.

They were evidence of the real world, her world, the one she knew, suffocatingly familiar, commonplace and cruel, Lourdes never quite sure of her place in the grand scheme of things. College was her key to another life, one of acceptance, where she was nobody's middle-man but her own woman. She wouldn't be good old reliable Lourdes, but someone else, somebody new. Even as Alicia was plotting her escape, so was Lourdes, but what came after college, neither one knew. This life would still be waiting for them, always there, a trap ready to be sprung.

"You okay, Lo?" Madison fired over her shoulder at Lourdes, making her head jerk up.

"Um," Lourdes began, biting her lip, only for her cell to beep, saving her. "Toby's gonna be late," she said, hastily scrolling through his text, passing over the lengthy Josh Whedon quotes which Tobias always felt necessary to punctuate his paragraphs with.

"Can we pick him up on the way?" Madison said, swinging the steering wheel round.

"His brother's giving him a lift," Lourdes lied, not wanting to have Tobias, Madison and Alicia sharing the same cramped space. It would be like being stuck in a lift but worse. At least at home and in school, she could escape, but not here. It was a recipe for disaster, the very thought of it threatening Lourdes's already questionable state of sanity.

"Okay," Madison said, eying her oddly, making Lourdes shift guiltily in her seat.

The rest of the journey passed in silence, Lourdes hunched over her cell, Googling whatever popped into her head, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the meaning of life, Skylar Grey lyrics, chocolate cake, Drew Roy; anything to stop her hearing Nick's voice in her head, his words destroying what was left of her world. Madison drew into the school parking lot, nearly crashing into the principal's car as she tried to drive in reverse gear, cursing under her breath as she did so.

"You trying to kill us, Mom!?" Alicia exclaimed, grabbing the dashboard.

"You should be so lucky," Madison retorted, "dying in such style."

"What, in this rust-bucket?" Lourdes snapped. "I don't think so."

"Do not insult the car," Madison said, jabbing her finger at her.

"Whatever," Lourdes muttered, hating herself for using such a clichéd idiom. She clambered out of the car, the heels of her battered bright pink Skechers hitting tarmac, the concrete almost sizzling in the heat, before sprinting over to the school front doors, pretending not to hear Madison call for her to wait up.

"Lo!"

She whirled around, the sound of Tobias's voice making her stop when nobody else's could. Tobias waddled towards her, urgency lending him speed, but as he drew level with her, Lourdes suddenly threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck, Tobias's own arms automatically going around her shoulders to steady her. She buried her face in his neck, Tobias suddenly finding it hard to breathe. He'd never been this close to a girl before, at least not one related to him, and that didn't count. This was a whole other ballgame, one he didn't know how to play, his world reduced to long dark hair that smelt of cheap citrus shampoo, and badly bitten fingernails almost digging into his flesh, a teenage girl tearing him apart, piece by piece.

* * *

 _Everybody knows that I'm a good girl, officer_  
 _No, I wouldn't do a thing like that, that's for sure_  
 _The house was already on fire, I swear I'm not a liar…_

"Keep your hormones in check, kids," Alicia said, barging past them, making Lourdes and Tobias hastily spring apart.

"And get your asses into gear," Madison said, ushering them on, "or you're gonna miss roll-call."

As she strode ahead, disappearing through the doors, Tobias slowed to a stop, suddenly looking shifty, shoving his hands into his pockets. Lourdes's throat went dry, recognizing the danger signs, that Tobias was about to involve her in another debacle of his especial orchestration. Just as her dad kept embarking on disastrous DIY projects, Tobias set forth on harebrained schemes like they were pleasure cruises. The last one had involved Lourdes skipping school to help Tobias trash Dominic Fratto's prize Porsche, smashing it up with a baseball bat, the two of them nearly getting caught, only for Tobias to trip and break his ankle, resulting in his getting caught for real.

"I covered for you," Tobias said, reading her mind like a book, "so hear me out."

"I risked a criminal record for you," Lourdes retorted, "so hear _me_ out, Toby. I don't want any part of your mad plans, okay?" She made to turn, only for Tobias to grab her arm, halting her.

"I got this for you," he said, shoving something into her hand, the intensity of his gaze startling her. "It'll keep you safe."

Feeling her throat turn dry, Lourdes glanced down, only to see she was holding the handle of a small, sharp blade. She stared at it in shock, before jumping violently as Madison yelled at them to hurry up. Stuffing the knife into her jean pocket, Lourdes hurried inside, her face flaming, hands shaking, the world a blur. She handed her backpack over to be checked, before passing through the metal detectors, instantly setting them off. Their screech brought Lourdes to her senses, only for panic to strike her instead, making her completely lose her head, ready to cut and run.

But before she could even take one step, Madison was there, blocking her, patting down her pockets, rifling through them, before picking up Lourdes's backpack, smiling at the guards as if everything was A-OK. "Seventy-seven cents," she said, jangling the coins in her hand, "think it's a sign of sorts, guys?"

"Mebbe you should ease up on the alliteration, Mrs. C," one of the guards drawled, eying her up like he did every morning. "It's too early in the day for that kind of damage."

"Depends on what kind of damage you like," Madison said, winking at him.

The guard just grinned lazily at her, his mismatched gaze raking her from top to toe again, Madison enduring it for Lourdes's sake. As he turned to mutter something in the other guard's ear, Madison quickly steered Lourdes away, only for the principal, 'call me Art', to step in front of them, eyebrows raised questioningly.

"Everything okay, Maddie?" he asked, brow furrowing slightly.

"It's Nick," Madison said in a rush, "he's had an accident."

"Oh," Art said, startled, "is he alright?"

Madison nodded. "We - we're just relieved to have found him," she said breathlessly, her grip tightening on Lourdes's arm.

Art nodded, his gaze falling on Lourdes. "You okay, Lourdes?" he asked not unkindly.

"Yeah," Lourdes said, voice cracking. "I'm surviving."

Art just chuckled at this, before going on his way, Madison exhaling sharply as soon as he was out of earshot. Before Lourdes could blink, she was being dragged into Madison's office, and shoved down into a chair, Lourdes catching a glimpse of Tobias's stricken face before Madison slammed the door shut. "What the hell are you playing at, Lo!?" Madison hissed, rounding on her. "Why the hell are you carrying a _knife!?_ "

Lourdes just sat there, wishing the ground would swallow her up.

"Do you not realise you're not just jeopardising your college place but future career prospects?" Madison snapped, working herself into a state. "Are you deliberately trying to sabotage your future or is it just sheer idiocy on your part?"

"I" -

\- "I could expel you for just crossing the threshold carrying this thing," Madison spat, brandishing the blade at her, "I'm risking my very job in covering for you. So the least you can do is give me an explanation, Lourdes."

Lourdes dropped her gaze to the ground, gripping the underside of her chair for support.

Madison just shook her head before unlocking the cupboard she kept contraband in, flinging the knife into the back of it, watching it slide out of sight behind some bags of drugs still to be picked up by the police. "You are grounded until you leave for college, young lady," she said, slamming the padlock into place, "and I'm going to have a talk with Travis and your mother because we need to discuss where we're going wrong with you."

"What the" -

\- "You might sweet-talk Travis round, batting those big brown eyes at him to get your own way," Madison said, stooping down so she was eye-level with Lourdes, "but I'm not so easily fooled. All those late nights, the lip you give out, the attitude problem - Nick's in hospital, and all you can do is make pithy comments about the traffic in LA. I'm not going to tolerate your crap anymore, Lourdes. Starting of now, I'm coming down on you like a ton of bricks. Now get your ass to class."

Lourdes fled, snatching up her backpack as she moved, hating Madison whilst hating herself even more.

* * *

Lourdes waited until the battered Sedan passed, before slipping through a gap in the chain-link fence, her heart pounding in her chest. She'd skipped out of school during lunch, taking advantage of Madison's absence, who'd left to drive over to the hospital to check on Nick again; Lourdes boarding a bus and heading downtown to check out the church Nick had spoken of. Ignoring Tobias's ever increasingly frantic texts, she'd followed her instincts instead, driven by a desperate desire to know the truth once and for all; to observe the impossible with her own eyes and not another's.

But such desires were not accompanied by courage, but terror instead, the gut-wrenching fear that crippled, making Lourdes's hands shake. Yet she forced herself to focus, putting one foot in front of another, battling the nausea rising in her throat. Many a time Lourdes had sat on Madison's roof seeking out the church's spire, like she would a friendly face in a crowd, guiding her through an unfamiliar landscape. But to everyone else, it was just another empty building left to rack and ruin, the destitute and desperate making it their own. That Nick would find the wrong kind of refuge within its walls came as no surprise to Lourdes.

As she crossed the courtyard, she tried not think of the storm that would break over her head when she went home. She couldn't talk Travis round this time, not that she'd even try. This wasn't one of Alicia's malicious attempts to get Lourdes into trouble. She'd been caught carrying a knife, literally red-handed. Letting Tobias take the blame wasn't even an option. It was her turn to take the lash.

But what Lourdes couldn't handle was facing Madison's righteous wrath again. Madison couldn't fix her own kids, so she tried to fix everybody else's; Tobias, Lourdes - the list went on. She was alternately adored and abhorred by her students, but never deplored or denied, always ribbed and revered in equal measure. Yet they didn't have to live with Madison like Lourdes had to, subject to constant scrutiny; Lourdes reduced to the level of a specimen to be studied under Madison's maternal magnifying glass.

Rounding the side of the building, Lourdes found a waist-high window, the swinging glass panels left half open. Taking a deep breath, she hoisted herself up onto the window-ledge, swinging her legs over, only thinking at the last second to check where her feet would land. She hastily glanced down, only to see a toilet bowl disfigured by urine and excreta, the stench assaulting her like physical blows.

Bypassing the heavily graffited bathroom walls, she hastily beat an exit, burying her nose in her arm, trying not to think were her trainers were treading. It was only until she was several corridors away, that she finally dared to lower her arm from her face, every inch of her on high alert, body flinching at the slightest sound. Taking a chance on a doorway up ahead, she made her way towards it, the sight of a grand piano in the room beyond startling her slightly, its polished veneer at odds with its decrepit surroundings, striking a discordant note that jarred.

Reaching for the handle of a nearby half open door, she hesitated, sensing she wasn't alone. But silence was her only companion, and so she pulled the door wide, only for a hooded man to spring out at her from behind it, his hands reaching for her, making her reel back, a strangled scream escaping her lips. Blinded by her long hair, she tried to escape his grasping grip, only to hit wall, knocking her sideways and onto the floor, her legs giving way beneath her.

"Don't let them kill me!" the man screeched, grabbing hold of her arm, his fingers biting into her flesh. "Please don't let them!"

"Get off me!" Lourdes screamed, limbs lashing out. "Get off me!" Before she could blink, he was suddenly gone, taking off through the doorway. "Wait!" Lourdes yelled, contradicting herself, chasing after him, only to find herself on a stair landing. Peering over the ornate balustrade, it was only to see a dizzying swirl of steps below, the man nowhere to be seen.

Gritting her teeth, Lourdes set off again, taking the steps two a time, fear lending wings to her feet. When she reached the bottom, it was only to find the walls splattered with black blood, the sight stopping Lourdes's heart. She swayed on the spot, the tears springing to her eyes, remembering what her sanity screamed at her to deny. But this was what she sought, each step taking her closer to the truth. Forcing herself forwards, she found herself in the church nave, surrounded by scattered pews and overturned life-sized crucifixes, the smell of death heavy in the air, suddenly making Lourdes aware of the blood jolting through her veins.

That's when she heard her father yell, making her jump violently, shock shooting down her spine. Then she was running, trying to escape the labyrinth, death at her heels. She hurled herself past the pulpit, rounding a corner, then another, before skidding to a halt, only to see her father scrabbling to his feet, his lower trouser legs soaked in blood. As his shocked gaze met hers, she saw he was standing in a pile of what could only be described as mincemeat, blood and viscera staining the floor, clinging to Travis's clothes.

" _Lourdes?_ " Travis said in disbelief.

"Dad?" Lourdes said childishly, the tears threatening to overflow now, her lower lip trembling.

"What - what are you doing here?" Travis stuttered, shaking his head to himself.

"What - what are _you_ doing here?" Lourdes said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Nick," Travis said simply, glancing around him.

Lourdes just nodded, understanding now. "Why are you covered in all that crap?" she said almost stupidly, gesturing to his stained trouser legs.

"I - I - I slipped," Travis said just as stupidly, looking down at himself, spreading his hands almost comically with dismay.

"Madison's going to _create_ ," Lourdes said shakily.

"Especially when she sees the dry cleaning bill," Travis joked weakly, stepping out of the pile of gore.

Lourdes just stood there, torn between tears and hysterical laughter, before suddenly flinging herself into her father's arms, holding onto all that she had left.


	4. Aftermath

**Aftermath**

As Travis paced up and down Madison's driveway, Lourdes sat down on the doorstep, hands shaking, teeth chattering with delayed shock. Travis had driven them home, double-checking to make sure the coast was clear, with no neighbours loitering on their front lawns, or strangers on the sidewalk, before all but dragging Lourdes into the house, not wanting anybody to see their bloodstained clothes and start asking awkward questions. He'd let Lourdes use the bathroom first, Lourdes almost scalding herself by turning the water up too high, desperate to purge herself of death. Its traces clung to her hair and clothes, trailing at her heels like some forsaken phantom.

Travis had burned their clothes out back, even their underwear, flinging their shoes into a garbage bag, before dumping it in the trash cans out front. Lourdes shot a nervous glance at him, studying his deliberately blank face, his shirt and chinos almost conspicuously crumpled and creased. It made him look like he was trying too hard to hide something in plain sight, the tell-tale tic of his jaw giving the game away.

It was burning on the tip of her tongue to tell him that their damp hair and change of clothes was going to make Madison ask a lot of questions, but she kept quiet, not sure what storm her words would unleash. Instead, she smoothed down her denim mini-skirt, before plucking at the sleeves of her checked shirt, her fidgeting finally making Travis's falsely calm facade crack.

"What the hell were you doing in that church, Lo!" he exploded, beyond caring who heard or saw him.

Lourdes hesitated, her throat suddenly dry, the walls of her world tumbling down around her. "I had to see for myself," she whispered, the tears springing to her eyes.

"See what?"

Lourdes shook her head, biting her lip, unable to trust herself to speak anymore.

"Is this anything to do with why you were carrying a knife?" Travis said, struggling to speak gently.

Lourdes nodded, still unable to speak.

"Where did you get the knife?"

Lourdes glanced at the house, her very look a lie, making Travis exhale sharply.

"So it was before Nick said anything to you?" he said, completely destabilizing her only defence.

Lourdes dropped her gaze to the ground, all her attention now deliberately focused on her battered blue Converse.

"Is Tobias behind all this?" Travis snapped, falling back on the only thing he could think of.

"No!" Lourdes flared up, finally forced to speak again.

"Then why!?" Travis exploded. "Why are you jeopardizing your entire future" -

\- "Why the hell were _you_ at the church!?" Lourdes spat, startling Travis, turning his own question back on him. "Why were you there, huh!?"

"I owed it to Nick" -

\- "No, you owe it to Madison" -

\- "Madison!?"

"Nick is Madison's son," Lourdes said, almost spelling it out, like he was an imbecile, "and since you're in love with Madison - as you keep ramming down our throats every day - you're going to pander to her progeny" -

\- "Lourdes" -

\- "Unless you're in love with Nick, and then we're dealing with a whole other ballgame," Lourdes ranted, "if so, I think I can hear Jerry Springer calling" -

\- "You're insane, you know that?" Travis said in disbelief, shaking his head at his daughter. "Beyond bonkers."

"So would you be if you were living my life right now," Lourdes hissed, rounding on him, "knowing what I know."

"What do you know?" Travis said tiredly. "What did you have to see for yourself?"

"The flu outbreak," Lourdes choked out, "it's - it's not what you think it is, Dad. Something - something bad is happening, and the government is covering it up."

Travis looked at Lourdes as if she was mad. "Covering what up?" he said, brow furrowing.

"I think the - the dead are walking," Lourdes whispered, her hands curling into fists, the crescents of her nails biting into her flesh.

"The what?"

"The dead are walking!"

Travis stared at her, shocked, not so much at what she was saying, but at the state she was now in. She looked like she was on the edge of a mental breakdown. In a bizarre way, she reminded him of Nick, and in that moment, he mistakenly thought he'd found his answer. "Sweetheart, zombies aren't real," he said slowly, "so I'm pretty sure the government isn't hiding them in a cupboard somewhere. I think they're got better things to worry about than the undead" -

\- "But on the Internet" -

\- "The Internet is a hotbed of conspiracy theories and fools with too much to say," Travis said irritably, reverting back to teacher mode, "I thought you had more sense than that" -

\- "Nick" -

\- "Nick took a bad trip, he was hallucinating" -

\- "What about the church though" -

\- "Something... something bad happened there," Travis said swallowing hard, "but that has nothing to do with us."

"But Nick was there."

"Why does everything have to be about Nick!?" Travis exploded again, startling Lourdes this time. "I'm sorry," he said, running his hand down his face, "I'm... just sorry, okay? But what you're saying is complete bullshit, Lourdes. The dead _aren't_ walking."

Without another word, he went over to the truck, flinging open the cab door. Biting her lip, Lourdes hesitated, before following him. The journey to the hospital was conducted in tense silence, Travis gripping the steering wheel tightly, turning his knuckles white. As soon as they arrived, Travis parking with a pained expression, Lourdes hurled herself out of the truck, desperate to put distance between them.

Time ticked slowly past, Travis crossing the road for coffee, not offering to get Lourdes any. He then paced the front of the hospital entrance, face like thunder, Lourdes perched atop a nearby bollard, feigning absorption in her phone, but her hands were still shaking from what she had seen at the church, making her nearly drop her mobile.

"Hey babe, these shoes don't go," Madison called over, making Travis whirl around, his face lighting up almost against his will

"Who said I was a style god?" Travis said, pulling her in for a kiss, making Lourdes roll her eyes despite everything.

"What's with the outfit changes?" Madison asked, drawing away from him, her gaze taking him in from top to toe. "And why are you not at school?" she asked, turning to Lourdes, before reaching out and smoothing back a lock of her damp dark hair. "Did you just take another shower?" she asked accusingly, brow furrowing, her suspicion forcing Lourdes to get a grip of herself.

"Food fight," Lourdes said smartly, startling Travis. "I had to go home and change, but Dad got caught up in my chaos, hence the makeover."

"Yeah, I got your message," Madison said, glancing at Travis, taking his hand as she did, "you sounded a little strung out. But as for you, missie, haven't you gotten into enough trouble for one day?" she fired at Lourdes, bringing out the maternal guns.

"Don't start giving me hell," Lourdes snapped, "I've had enough of that from him." She glared at Travis, making him roll his eyes this time.

"Good," Madison snapped back, "you've had daddy dearest wrapped around your finger for too long. If he'd bawled you out before, you wouldn't be acting like you were auditioning for PBS13."

"Where's Alicia?" Travis asked, anxious to change the subject, still shaking inside after what he'd seen.

"Oh, she's still with Nick," Madison said tiredly. "Maybe she can get through to him, make him see the damage he's doing not to just himself, but _her_ " -

\- "We're late," Alicia said, appearing out of nowhere, her sullen face making Travis and Madison exchange pointed glances, " _again_."

"Thank you for that astute observation, Alicia," Lourdes said sarcastically, setting off for the truck, figuring she would drive herself to school.

"Car, kid," Travis said, steering her by the shoulder towards Madison's vehicle, "I'm not letting you out of my sight again until you're thirty."

Lourdes just submitted, her jaw tightening, knowing she could blow the whole joint up by telling the truth. But she couldn't do that to her father, so she kept silent, unwillingly obeying him. He might deny the existence of the undead, but he couldn't deny the truth of what had happened in the church. But if he could escape it, if he could shield Madison from it, he would lie and fabricate until his tongue turned black. If the cops turned up on the doorstep, wanting to know about Nick's part in events, that was a risk he was willing to run, but otherwise, it never happened, and he knew nothing about it.

"Are you not going to stay with Nick?" Madison asked, brow furrowing.

Travis studied Madison for a moment, not wanting to go back in there, to be with what had brought him here. "I was actually going to head back to the school," he said, wringing his hands, "and that we could drop by Nick later – I could pick up the truck then."

"You can't just leave the truck lying here," Madison said incredulously, "and it's not good for Nick to be alone – you said you would stay with him" -

\- "And I am," Travis said, spreading his hands wide in almost surrender, "it was just an idea, that's all."

"God, you and your goddamn ideas," Madison breathed, before suddenly grabbing Travis by the lapels and crushing his mouth with hers. As Lourdes and Alicia stood there, trying not to throw up, she finally deigned to let go of the now dazed Travis. "Catch you later, cutie," she said seductively, blowing him a kiss before sliding into the front seat of her car.

"Sick bucket. Now," Alicia said, gagging.

"Better make that two," Lourdes said darkly, before clambering into the car, forcing herself to think that one more year and she would be gone, before realising that everything might be gone, the world reduced to ruins.

 _And the walls kept tumbling down_  
 _In the city that we love_  
 _Great clouds roll over the hills_  
 _Bringing darkness from above…_


	5. Girl Versus Nature

**Girl Versus Nature**

Lourdes leaned her head against her hand, watching as her father held court, pacing in front of the blackboard like he was a rock-star onstage. But his words washed over her like rain, her attention wandering, taking her to places she didn't want to go. She'd spent the rest of the afternoon at school yesterday with her head down, ignoring Tobias and his texts, before going home, locking herself in her bedroom, skipping dinner much to Madison's annoyance, her appetite completely gone. She had contemplated calling her mother, even Chris, before deciding against it, not wishing to drag them into her darkness. As she'd lain in bed, her arm slung across her forehead, Lourdes had now known how Nick felt; on the outside, looking in, envious of those ignorant of what stalked the shadows.

Today was no better, Alice pale and withdrawn, snapping at Lourdes for so much as looking at her, cradling her wrist like it was broken. She knew Alicia had come back late last night, the slam of her bedroom door announcing her angry return, and this morning, she'd been glued to her cell, making calls nobody answered, sending texts but receiving no reply, the sleeve of her bomber jacket riding up, revealing a vividly inked vortex on her wrist, instantly enlightening Lourdes on Alicia's stormy state of mind.

There was obviously trouble in paradise between her and the boyfriend, not that Lourdes really cared. Matt was a nice enough guy, but he was one of the cool kids, running with the hip arty set, a world away from her own isolation. What would happen to their romance when Alicia left for UC Berkeley was anybody's guess, Lourdes only knowing she was going to be trailing after Alicia as always, the two of them having been accepted into the same college, making Lourdes pray the campus was big enough for both of their egos.

Madison thought it was wonderful they were going to be studying in the same place, something Lourdes and Alicia loudly and vocally disagreed with, but it was too late, the damage was already done, what with scholarships won and accommodation being arranged. Yet it kept ticcing in Lourdes's mind that there would be no college, no escape, no nothing. The world was coming to an end, and with it, everything she knew.

"Lourdes!"

She started violently, only to find herself face to face with her father, his eyebrows raised, instantly knowing he was using her again as an example to enforce his authority over the rest of the class. "What is it?" she muttered, picking up her pen.

"Enlighten us," Travis said simply, straightening up, "and put it away Paul," he fired at a Hispanic boy by the window, "you're in class, not recess." The boy sighed dramatically before stowing his cell away, face mutinous.

Lourdes glanced around the classroom, taking in the empty chairs outnumbering her classmates, her gaze falling upon the blackboard, barely seeing the words her father had scrawled upon its surface. How could he stand there, acting as if everything was alright, like life wasn't being literally ripped apart right in front of his eyes?

"It's about man versus nature," she said slowly, half remembering what Travis had been talking about, the call of the wild, the act of building a fire, what it meant, its subliminal imagery, "Jack London's trying to teach us about how not to die," she continued, her voice gaining strength, involuntarily remembering Nick's pale face and wild eyes, "even as natures wins, that we have to endure against the odds."

Travis looked at her for a long moment, almost as though she was a stranger, before recovering himself. "Precisely," he said, before careering around the classroom once more, gesticulating wildly as he extolled the virtues of Jack London's soliloquy on survival, Lourdes watching him go, before sinking back into oblivion again.

 _I'm in no hurry_  
 _You go run and tell your friends I'm losing touch_  
 _Fill their heads with rumours of impending doom_  
 _It must be true…_

* * *

As Lourdes crossed the quad, her cell suddenly exploded into existence, blaring Mozart, startling her and everyone within a five feet radius. "Hello?" she said, hastily answering it, not recognizing the number.

"Mother Hen?" Nick said, startling Lourdes all over again.

"What the hell have you done!?" Lourdes hissed, instantly on the offensive, her head jerking up at the sound of Madison's raised voice. Inhaling sharply, Lourdes dove behind a pillar as Madison was swarmed by a tearful senior and her hysterical friends, the girls dramatically flinging back their matching blonde hair and pouting furiously, making Madison roll her eyes as she tried and failed to calm them down..

"Innocent until proven guilty, Lo," Nick sing-songed, his voice shaking.

"Tell me, and tell me now," Lourdes snapped, mentally counting out how much money she had on her, knowing she would always be short of the amount Nick needed.

"I broke out," Nick said, slumping against the wall, "stole some old guy's clothes. They smell of mothballs."

"Where are you?" Lourdes said quickly, making a discreet break for it, ignoring her rumbling stomach.

"Do not bring Madison with you," Nick snapped, suddenly on the alert, "I can't deal with her right now."

"Why me?" Lourdes demanded, careful to keep out of Madison's sight, ducking down behind a bulky quarterback for cover. "Why not Alicia?"

"I love Lish," Nick said tiredly, "but she doesn't have my back, not like you do. You and me, we're a team, Mother Hen."

Lourdes bit her lip, having heard this bullshit before, Nick conveniently forgetting all the times Alicia had cleaned up his vomit.

"Please, Lourdes," Nick whispered, leaning his forehead against the wall, "just come and find me."

* * *

After attacking an ATM, Lourdes found Nick sitting on the slope under a flyover, a cigarette dangling from his lips, the sight of his sallow face instantly setting her on edge, her fists clenching by her sides. This was a first, Nick calling her to come find him. Usually he wanted to be lost, to be nothing more than a missing poster, free from all obligation. Yet as she came towards him, his dark eyes lit up at the sight of her, making her relent despite herself.

Staggering to his feet, Nick spat the cigarette onto the ground, stubbing out the smouldering embers with the heel of his shoe, the gesture almost oddly elegant in its execution. "Mother Hen," he said childishly, throwing his arms around her, before suddenly burying his face in her black hair, startling her again. "I stole you a sandwich," he then said, just as suddenly letting her go, before gesturing to the plastic bag by his feet, "and some other edible art. I figured you might be hungry."

"I am," Lourdes admitted against her will, "but maybe not enough to eat your offerings."

"It's not out of a bin, Lo," Nick said, rolling his eyes, sitting down again with some difficulty, "it's fresh off the shelf, top of the range."

"Well, give it over, then," Lourdes snapped, sitting down beside him. Without a word, Nick handed her the plastic bag, before leaning his head against her shoulder as she devoured everything he had stolen, her appetite having returned with a vengeance, leaving nothing for Nick. But that was precisely what he wanted, all the evidence eaten, the thought making him smile stupidly.

"I got a new cell," he said, flapping his hand at a nearby empty cardboard box lying abandoned on the concrete, "pay as you go – such high jinks and all that jazz."

"Why am I here, Nick?" Lourdes said quietly, something in her voice making him raise his head from her shoulder, his brow furrowing. "Is it money?"

"I need currency," Nick said, rubbing his eyes, "but not your money – never your money, Mother Hen."

"Then why am I here?" Lourdes repeated, setting down the plastic bag, the faint breeze making it rustle.

"Because you are a very attractive woman," Nick smiled, the epitome of charm, waggling his eyebrows as Lourdes stared at him, before realizing he was joking, elbowing him in the side.

"Don't," Nick gasped, clutching his ribs, "walking wounded here."

"It's better than me pulling a knife on you," Lourdes said smartly, making Nick glance at her.

"Yeah, I heard about that from your padre," he said slowly, "what's with the gangster shit?"

Lourdes just shook her head, not wanting to go into it. "I went to the church yesterday," she said, changing the subject, Nick doing a double-take.

"What the fuck did you do that for!?" he exclaimed, eyes wide with horror.

"Because I had to see for myself," Lourdes retorted.

"I don't care what you have to see," Nick snapped, jabbing a bony finger at her, "but you don't ever go there again, do you hear me? It's a bad, bad place" - He suddenly buried his face in his hands, all but breaking down, Lourdes frozen in shock, only to jump violently as her cell started screaming Mozart's music again.

"It's Madison," Lourdes said stupidly, her finger hovering over the answer button.

"She's found out we've both bailed," Nick said shakily, staggering to his feet, holding his hand out to Lourdes.

"Where you going?" Lourdes said, confused, taking his proffered hand.

Nick just shook his head, helping Lourdes to her feet, the effort nearly finishing him off. "Just don't answer that call," he almost begged, slumping against a pillar, "I can't deal with her right now."

"Nick, you need a doctor," Lourdes said anxiously, switching her cell off, "you're relapsing" -

\- "I'm crashing," Nick corrected her, shaking from head to foot now, "but I know how to deal." His dark gaze burned into Lourdes's, forcing her to give way, surrendering against her will.


	6. A Star For Nick

**A Star For Nick**

As Lourdes made her way down the sidewalk, Nick stumbling at her heels, Lourdes stopped dead in front of a shop window, her eyes widening at what she was seeing, every flat-screen television on sale showing the same thing over and over again. Nick crashed into her, brow furrowing, only to freeze as he watched the scene unfold. It was a breaking news story, covering a pile-up not far from where they were, Lourdes's shaking hand finding Nick's as they watched the cops try to take down a man attacking them, his teeth snapping, hands becoming claws, trying to rake their flesh. She was vaguely aware of a small crowd gathering around them, whispers becoming silence as the cops unloaded several rounds into the man's chest, only for him to stagger to his feet, Nick exhaling sharply, his fingers knotting through hers, flinching when a cop delivered a kill-shot straight to the man's head.

"Come on, Lo," Nick whispered, dragging her away as the crowd erupted into chaos, the newsreader returning back to the screen, arguing with the other anchor, the scene replaying on the screen behind them.

"It's true," Lourdes breathed, her head spinning, "it's really happening."

"How long have you known?" Nick asked, limping down the sidewalk, hauling Lourdes along with him.

"For – for a while," Lourdes stuttered, "when the flu outbreak started - Tobias began looking up stuff online, but I thought it was bullshit, I – I didn't believe him. Then I seen this video and I started to get second thoughts" - She stopped, forcing Nick to stop, tearing her hand out of his. "But I think I knew all along - that I – I knew, deep down," she said, her voice cracking, "I knew without knowing. I didn't believe, but I knew, and then the church – all that stuff you said, and I _knew_ " -

\- "I know you need to take a chill pill, Lo," Nick said, holding his sweating hands up in almost surrender, even though he was on the edge of freaking out as well. He refused to remember what had happened in the church, but hell was at his heels, Nick unable to outrun it.

"You want me to chill out when the world is coming to an end!?" Lourdes said incredulously. "Are you insane!?"

"No, I just want you calm the fuck down!" Nick yelled, making her flinch.

Lourdes just stared at him. "I'm going home," she said suddenly, startling him, "I can't be here – I shouldn't be here – I need to find my mom – Chris..." She made to turn and leave, but Nick grabbed her arm, his grip hurting her.

"Don't, Lo," he said, his face bloodless, "I need you."

"You just need me to babysit you," Lourdes snapped, "so you don't collapse before your next hit. Well, here's a newsflash, Nick, fuck your habit. I'm not going to sit in on some drug-deal" -

\- "Lo, please," Nick said, feeling the world whirl around him, the sweat beading on his brow, " _please._ "

Lourdes bit her lip, half turning away from him. "Okay, fine, I'll stay," she said, fighting the tears springing to her eyes, "but after this, I'm gone, do you understand?"

"Yeah, I understand," Nick lied, humouring her, only understanding the chemical high he craved.

* * *

Lourdes trailed after Nick, unable to believe what she was doing, only knowing that she was completely out of her depth, yet here she was, about to observe a drug-deal without dialling 911. Only Nick could do this, refusing to allow the end of the world to come between him and his next hit. And for all his talk about not taking her money, somehow she was footing the bill for his narcotic frolics. Exhaling sharply, she hesitated before following Nick into the nearly empty cafe, the waitresses gathered around a customer and his cell, arguing over the news footage, the customer saying it was obviously fake, the waitresses either on the fence or adamant it was real, that it was the end of days.

"There's my saviour," Nick breathed, making a limping beeline for a skip-hatted figure sitting at a table by the far window, Lourdes doing a double-take, recognizing the figure as none other than Calvin, one of Nick's old school friends, remembering him from Sunday brunches and neighborhood barbecues when Travis and Madison had first started dating.

"Cal?" she said in disbelief. "He's your _drug-dealer?_ " Calvin was often held up by Madison as an example Nick should follow, extolling his many virtues, how charming he was, how level-headed, holding down a steady job and helping out his parents.

"What you bring your bitch along here for?" Calvin said coolly, glancing at Lourdes, eying her though she was a piece of shit on the bottom of his exorbitantly priced designer shoe.

"She's not – look, I'm sorry to put you in this position," Nick said, ramming his shaking hands into his jacket pockets.

"Sit," Calvin said abruptly, his face bizarrely disappointed beneath the brim of his skip hat, motioning Nick to take the seat opposite.

Lourdes just remained standing, Calvin's insult oddly not affecting her, even the knowledge he was a secret drug-dealer suddenly no longer mattering. The dead were walking, and the world went on, Lourdes unable to grasp this concept, how it was even possible.

"Her dad and your mom came sniffing around my parents' place," Calvin said, leaning back in his chair, "were looking for you. Said you bailed out of the hospital, went AWOL."

Nick glanced down at the Formica covered table, eyes scrunching up the corners.

"Can't have that, Nick," Calvin said, shaking his head, "can't have people coming to me, looking for you."

"They don't know what you do, Cal," Nick said, leaning forwards, his dark hair falling into his eyes, his leg ticcing under the table.

"Then why is she here?" Calvin said, jerking his head at Lourdes. "She your witness? Is this some sort of set-up?"

"God, no!" Nick exclaimed, ramming his hands even further into his pockets. "I – I swear I – I would never tell anybody what you – you do." The last word was uttered quietly, Nick's voice trailing off into almost nothing.

Calvin just looked at him, eyes unreadable, face deliberately blank. "You hungry?" he said suddenly, glancing over at the waitresses still gathered around the customer's cell, brow furrowing slightly at the sight, Lourdes realising he didn't know what was unfolding outside. "We need to order something" -

\- "No, I just – I just need to know what you gave me back at the church," Nick said in a rush, his gaze holding Calvin's, almost accusing. "Was it laced? Was it PCP?"

"I never 'gave' you anything" -

\- "What was it, man!?"

"You got a complaint about my shit, then, huh?" Calvin hissed, leaning across the table. "Want a refund?"

"Cal" -

\- "Last thing I need is my clients pissed and paranoid – so do you seriously think I would 'lace' my products, tamper with my merchandise, just to fuck you over!?"

"No, I don't!" Nick protested, hunching his shoulders over, wincing.

"Then where's your head at?" Calvin asked quietly.

"I can't get it out of my head," Nick said, his face contorting, like he was trying not to cry, "the church – it was a bloodbath, a fucking horror show, man. Gloria killed two people" -

\- "Gloria's ninety pounds soaking wet," Calvin said in disbelief, "barely strong enough to spike a vein."

"I need to get it out of my head," Nick said from between gritted teeth, "I need to _forget_."

"You're not making any sense, Nicky," Calvin said, looking at Nick like he was mad.

"I know," Nick said, suddenly laughing almost hysterically, "I know!"

"He's crashing," Lourdes said in an undertone, making Calvin glance curiously at her, "it's been two days since his last hit - he needs a fix. I'll – I'll pay."

Calvin studied her for a moment, brow furrowing slightly. "Look at little Lourdes all down with the lingo," he said slowly, "last thing I heard you were running for class president, yet here you are, trying to broker a drug deal."

"She's changed," Nick said, scrunching up his eyes again, "she gets it, what we do."

Calvin just nodded, eying Lourdes appraisingly. "Then let's do it," he said, getting to his feet, "let's hook you up and sort you out."

* * *

"Your mom said you had an accident," Calvin said, glancing at Nick, before casting a look at Lourdes in the rear-view mirror, flashing a smile at her, one she unwillingly returned.

"Yeah, I didn't look both ways," Nick said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat, not liking the way Calvin kept eying Lourdes like she was a piece of meat for his delectation. Believing her to have broken free of society's shackles, his entire attitude towards Lourdes had changed, and not for the better.

"Cops talk to you?" Calvin asked, swinging the steering wheel round, scattering pigeons to the sky as he drove through a small tunnel.

"They asked a lot of questions," Nick said, exhaling sharply, "but I told them where to get off."

Calvin just nodded, before pulling into the LA river culvert, trains rattling past on distant tracks, parking the car by a bridge. Getting out of the car, Calvin went round the back, throwing open the boot, Lourdes following him out of the vehicle, before walking over to a nearby wall, pulling out her purse as she moved, her heart half sinking at handing over her hard earned money, but the other half of her didn't care, not when the world was ending.

Nick glanced out the car window, his mind still in a stupor, only to see Calvin pull out a gun from under his jacket, Lourdes standing with her back to him, counting out greenbacks, completely oblivious. For a moment, Nick didn't understand, only for reality to rush at him, nearly knocking him over -

"Lo, run!" he yelled, throwing himself forwards, making Calvin whirl around, caught offguard, only for Nick to send him flying sideways, hitting the car, Nick pinning him against it, surprisingly strong despite the state he was in.

Lourdes just stood there, paralysed with shock, watching as Nick and Calvin struggled, Nick trying to wrestle the gun out of Calvin's hand, the two of them becoming entangled in a bizarre embrace, Nick suddenly screaming like a madman, a single gunshot suddenly echoing through the air, Calvin slumping to the ground, Nick staggering backwards, crimson covering the concrete.

 _Oh my soul rise up & go beyond, beyond_  
 _to what you know_


	7. At The Crossroads

**At The Crossroads**

Lourdes just stood there, staring unseeingly into the distance, Nick sitting on the kerb, holding a smoldering cigarette aloft with a shaking hand, threatening to drop it at any second. Traffic roared past, the world hurtling on, unaware it was heading for a collision course with cacophony. Lourdes pushed the hair almost absentmindedly out of her eyes, the gesture bordering on robotic, an automatic response. The dead were walking, and Nick now had blood on his hands, blood shed in her name, spilled so she would survive.

"Lo," Nick said, his voice cracking, "look at me."

Lourdes just ignored him, only hearing the sound of the single gunshot, the memory reverberating through the cavern of her consciousness.

"Lourdes," Nick reiterated, "I did it for you, and I'll take the blame – I – I take the blame _now_. But it was done for a reason, and you have to understand that." But he barely understood it himself, how he had done this, killing Calvin, his friend, his mentor, the one who had led him into the light, killing his pain with chemicals.

He had left Calvin lying in a crimson pool, blood breaking the banks of his inert body, Nick dragging Lourdes away. Terror had driven him to Travis, his trembling fingers taking Lourdes's cell and making the fatal phone-call, Travis answering on the first ring, Nick giving their locale and instructing Travis to come alone, before cutting off Travis's torrent of questions, silencing him with the simple push of a button.

Nick took another drag of his cigarette, leg ticcing, feeling like he was freefalling through reality, withdrawel symptons striking him all over again, the nicotine hit barely keeping them at bay. A horn honked, making Nick's head snap up, only to see Travis's truck slow to a stop at the side of the road, Travis and Madison piling out of the vehicle, faces white, the sight of his mother sending Nick reeling to his feet, Travis freezing at the look on Lourdes's face, alarmed by the empty expression in her eyes.

"I told you not to bring her!" Nick yelled at Travis, flinging his cigarette aside, the older man advancing on him, throwing off Madison's restraining hand.

"What the hell have you done to my daughter!?" Travis screamed over him, silencing Nick to a stop, dark eyes almost dilated.

Madison threw herself between them, Travis pulling the still catatonic Lourdes into his arms, his face furious, looking as if he was going to rend Nick from limb to limb.

"Nick, baby, what happened!?" Madison demanded, grabbing Nick by the shoulders, forcing him to face her.

"I – I did it to protect Mother Hen, Mom," Nick whispered, shaking from head to foot, "I – I had to do it."

"Do what?" Madison pressed.

"I – I shot Cal," Nick stuttered, his eyes going wide with almost wonder, "I _killed_ Cal."

Madison looked up at the sky, half closing her eyes, almost as if she asking God for guidance. "Get in the truck," she ordered abrubtly, grabbing Nick by the arm, Travis taking Lourdes by the elbow. Before Nick and Lourdes could react, they were being hustled into the truck, their respective parents brooking no resistance. As they then set off, Lourdes and Nick sat wedged between Travis and Madison, Travis driving, Madison talking ten to the dozen, trying to convince Nick that killing Cal was nothing more than a drug-addled dream. But Nick simply stared straight ahead, her words washing over him like rain, whilst Lourdes tried to stay lost, refusing to come back to reality, but the sound of Madison's voice sliced into her skull, cutting her adrift from denial, forcing her to face facts.

"The dead are walking," Lourdes said in a low voice, making Madison do a double-take.

"What did you say, sweetie?" Madison said, exchanging a worried glance with Travis over their heads, but he frowned, not saying anything, trying to stop Madison from finding out he'd lied to her, even as he refused to believe the bullshit the dead didn't have the decency to stay dead, both him and Madison unaware of the unfolding chaos that was being broadcast on every news channel.

"I said the dead are walking!" Lourdes suddenly screamed, spit flecking the air, making everybody flinch violently.

"Okay, that is enough," Madison said, recovering her cool, "turn the truck around, Travis. It's obvious what's went down here – Lourdes has _literally_ took a trip and Nick is just coming down from his particular high" -

\- "It's true, Mom," Nick whispered, still staring ahead, "the dead are coming back" -

\- "Look, whatever this is, it stops right here, right now," Madison snapped, "Cal's not dead and the dead definitely aren't walking, and I'll goddamn prove it, right here, right now" -

\- "Dad, for chrissake, tell her," Lourdes pleaded, turning to him, tears shimmering in her eyes, "for God's sake, tell her!"

\- "There's nothing to tell, Lourdes," Travis said through gritted teeth, swinging the steering wheel round as they headed through the tunnel in the direction of the river culvert.

\- "What about the church" -

-" _Lourdes_ " -

"Check your cell, Madison," Lourdes urged,"Google what's happening" -

"Nothing is happening" -

\- "Mom, check your cell," Nick begged as Lourdes scrabbled wildly for her own cell, " _please_ , it'll be all over the Internet" -

\- "THAT IS ENOUGH!" Madison yelled, grabbing Lourdes's wrist, halting her frantic search. "After I show you what the score is, we are going home and we are going to call the doctor," she hissed at Nick, her fingers digging into Lourdes's flesh. "And then we'll decide what we're going to do next in a rational manner" -

\- "Dad, stop the truck," Lourdes suddenly said, "I want to get out."

"We'll stop when I say so," Madison snapped, "now where did Nick apparently kill Cal!?"

"Just fucking let me out! I have to find Mom and Chris!" Lourdes snapped, tearing herself out of Madison's grip, "so stop the goddamn truck!"

A figure suddenly loomed up in front of the truck, forcing Travis to brake to an abrupt halt, everybody flying forwards in their seats, grabbing the dashboard for support. Standing in the centre of the road was what had once been Calvin, Madison doing an almost comical double-take, trying to ascertain the truth of what she was seeing.

" _Holy shit_ ," Travis breathed, looking shocked, before undoing his seat-belt, pulling out his cell as he opened the cab door.

"Dad, don't," Lourdes sobbed, trying to hold him back, Travis detaching himself from her death grip with some difficulty, Madison and Nick both grabbing her, stopping her from following him for different reasons, the Clarks caught between the truth and a comforting lie.

Lourdes whimpered into her hands, watching her father approach Calvin, Madison now staring at her in shock, realising too late Lourdes was stone cold sober and not stoned. Before she could say anything, Calvin suddenly lunged for Travis, teeth bared, eyes wild, making everybody in the cab scream, Madison throwing herself out of the truck, Nick yelling at her to come back, Lourdes breaking down into hysterics, losing complete control of herself.

As Travis wrestled wildly with Calvin, the sight of Cal's clouded gaze almost immobilizing Lourdes into imbecility, Madison grabbed Calvin from behind, trying to drag him off Travis. Without warning, Nick suddenly seized the steering wheel, slamming his foot down, driving the truck straight at the trio, frantically honking the horn, Travis casting Cal into the vehicle's path as he hauled himself and Madison out of it.

The truck collided with Calvin, sending him flying, Nick jerking the truck to a halt, staring out from beneath his shaggy hair at where Calvin had stood, his breath coming in ragged gasps, Lourdes curled up in her seat, arms wrapped around her head. Time seemed to slow down, Nick just waiting, waiting, _waiting_ , only to see Calvin stagger to his feet again, approaching the truck with deliberate intent, Nick grabbing the gearstick, throwing the truck forwards, slamming it into Calvin for the second time, only to catch his corpse on its hood.

Gritting his teeth, Nick rammed the truck in the direction of the river culvert, driving out of the darkness and into the daylight, before suddenly skidding to a halt, sending Calvin sprawling onto the concrete in a tangle of limbs, both his legs bent backwards, his arms at unnatural angles. Without a word, Nick clambered out of the cab, moving with uncharacteristic purpose. For a moment, he was a man, but as he drew level with Calvin's twitching cadaver, he faltered, before falling onto his knees, reverting back to the lost little boy he really was.

* * *

As Travis sped down the freeway, his face bloodless, eyes wild, Madison frantically phoned Alicia, only to reach voicemail every time, Lourdes experiencing the same setback when trying to contact her mother, brother and Tobias, the tears rolling down her face as she redialled their numbers over and over again. Nick sat between them, hunched over the radio, turning the dial with manic speed, snatches of static interspersed with emergency bulletins shattering the silence.

"I can't believe this is happening," Madison murmured, shaking her head, "it can't be."

"It is, Mom," Nick said through gritted teeth, "so suck it up."

"Don't talk to your mother like that," Travis reproved almost automatically, his hands gripping the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white.

"You're not my dad, Travis," Nick drawled, his fingers trembling as he fiddled with the frequency, "so don't act like it."

"Somebody has to keep you in line," Travis snapped, making Madison's head snap up in turn.

"Are you criticising my parenting?" she said dangerously, blue eyes suddenly blazing.

"Just don't, okay!?" Lourdes suddenly screeched, startling them all into silence. "Now is _so_ not the time!"

Travis stared straight ahead, his leg ticcing, thinking of his son and his ex-wife, where they were, if they were even still alive. "This – this isn't real," he muttered, everything he'd observed contradicting reality, turning fiction into fact.

"I told you this shit was going down and you didn't believe me," Lourdes spat, "and I get why you wouldn't – I didn't believe Toby either until it was almost too late. But I faced the fucking facts, Dad, when you didn't. You seen what went down in the church, you knew something had happened there, and you still stuck your head in the sand" -

\- "That's enough, Lo," Madison interjected, Lourdes rounding on her, face furious.

"Hey, he lied to you," Lourdes hissed, "about Nick, the church and everything."

"None of that matters now," Madison said, her voice cracking. "All that counts is keeping our family together." Turning away from Lourdes, she tried dialling the school, seeing if Alicia could be reached there, only to hit the same brick wall. Just as she was ready to fling her phone out of the window in frustration, Lourdes's cell suddenly went off, Lourdes frantically answering it, thinking it was her family, only to discover it was Tobias, the terrible relief making her slump back in her seat.

"Where are you?" Tobias demanded, not even allowing Lourdes to speak. "You ditched math class, man!"

"Never mind that," Lourdes snapped, "what's going down at your end!? Are you okay!?"

"The army evacuated the school," Tobias said in a rush, "rounded us up like cattle and sent us home on the school buses. It is truly the end of days, Lourdes, although I am not mourning the end of my education - excepting of course the aforementioned math class."

"Did you see Alicia?" Lourdes asked, motioning Madison to keep quiet, struggling to hear Tobias as the signal fluctuated wildly.

"She bailed on the afternoon torture sessions as well," Tobias said after a brief silence, Lourdes almost able to envision his brow furrowing, "and whilst I do not make a regular habit of keeping tabs on the upper echelons of high school society, I _have_ noticed Matt has been M.I.A, which may perhaps also explain Alicia's absence."

"I - I – I have to go, Toby," Lourdes said reluctantly, thinking that her mother or brother might be trying to reach her, "but stay safe and stay in contact, okay? We'll – we'll make it through."

* * *

 _Don't turn me home again_  
 _I just can't face myself alone again_  
 _Don't run back inside..._

Lourdes locked the front door behind her, before leaning her head against the wood, trying and failing to take back control. Madison had commandeered the car, driving over to Matt's in a desperate attempt to find Alicia, Travis taking the blood-stained truck and heading over to Liza's, hoping against hope he would find her and Chris there. Both adults had instructed Nick and Lourdes to stay in the house and away from the windows and doors, double-checking everything was secure before leaving, the screech of tyres fading into the distance.

"I am not going to the desert with your dad," Nick snapped, peering through the blinds, watching Mrs. Cruz potter about her front lawn, finishing off the final preparations of her nine year old's birthday party, obviously not getting the memo the world was ending, "no fucking way."

Lourdes turned around, tiredly pushing the hair out of her eyes with a shaking hand, barely recalling her father's desperate desire to find sanctuary outside the city, tossing together an escape plan as he drove the truck through downtown LA, envisioning the sidewalks swarming with the dead instead of the living. Ignoring Nick's admonitions, she tried phoning her mother and brother again, praying they would just pick up.

"We should go and tell them," Nick said, staring with almost alarming intensity at Mrs. Cruz now struggling with a tray of soda cans, "they don't know the dead are coming."

Lourdes glanced up from her cell, tears filling her eyes again, trying and failing to stop them falling.

Nick glanced over his shoulder at her, the full weight of her stare hitting him like a train. "Don't – don't look at me like that, Mother Hen," he said shakily, trying to block out the beads of sweat breaking out on his brow, "I had to do it."

"You _killed_ Cal" -

\- "He was going to kill you," Nick hissed, rounding on her, "and then me." He swayed on the spot, clenching his fists, fingernails digging into his palms, cutting curves in his skin. "It's kill or be killed," he said slowly, stars starting to explode in front of his eyes, "us or them" -

\- "Don't" -

\- "We are about to step into a world of shit," Nick whispered, tears filling his own eyes, remembering the church and Gloria with blood dripping from her lips, " _big-time_ , Lourdes" - Before she could react, he suddenly collapsed, hitting the ground at high speed.

"Nick!" she screamed, rushing over to him, rolling him onto his side.

"Turn the volume down, Lo," Nick whined, " _please_."

"You're relapsing," Lourdes said stupidly, staggering to her feet.

"I – I can't go cold turkey like this," Nick barely breathed, dark eyes dilating, "I – I need to wean myself off it bit by bit, baby steps, man" -

\- "I know," Lourdes snapped, trying and failing to pull herself together, "I goddamn know, Nick! Do – do you have a stash somewhere!?"

"Mom flushed it all away," Nick winced, "the toilet getting my tricks."

"What – what about your prescription!?" Lourdes stuttered, clutching at straws.

"I haven't been here for a long time, Lo," Nick said, closing his eyes, "so praying for a prescription won't work."

"I can phone the doctor" -

\- "Only to end up in Voicemail Central," Nick sing-songed, "don't waste your credit, little girl."

\- "Then what do I fucking do!?" Lourdes screamed, making Nick flinch.

\- "You can get me a bucket for starters," Nick said, wrapping his arms around his head. "I think I'm going to throw up. You may need to hold my mane back."


	8. Teenage Wasteland

**Teenage Wasteland**

Lourdes threw aside Alicia's bike, the wheels spinning wildly as she ran up the school steps, her breath coming in ragged gasps. She'd cycled at speed along the sidewalks, skipping the roads choked with vehicles, civilization starting to come apart at the seams. Nick had crashed and fast, Lourdes force-feeding him coffee and barley broth, only for him to violently throw up both, Nick now weeping with the way his body was bailing.

Ignoring Nick's sobs for her to stay, Lourdes had left Nick literally foaming at the mouth, his deterioration driving her to desperate lengths. She'd phoned the doctor, 911, Madison and her parents, but all she'd hit was dead end after dead end, and so she'd stolen Madison's spare set of school keys and Alicia's bike, armed with the intention of breaking into Madison's office, remembering the bags of drugs in the contraband cupboard she'd seen when Madison had confiscated the knife Tobias had given her. The memory seemed to belong to another life, but it was all she had, and she had no other option but to run with it, even if she had to get past an army to succeed.

But the military had mercifully vacated the school after evacuating it, the silence Lourdes's enemy as well as her ally, revealing her position whilst exposing anyone else's. She let herself in, the door clanging shut behind her, briefly setting off an alarm before being cut short, Lourdes glancing behind her as she stepped through the metal detectors, straightening the straps of her backpack as she moved.

Trying to ignore the echoing corridors, she made for the principal's office, everything Madison had ever moaned about in regards to the policies of Paul R. Williams High School forming the foundation of her plan. 'Call me Art' assumed sole responsibility over the contraband cupboard, taking the keys from Madison at the end of every school day, and leaving them hidden behind the bookcase in her office at the beginning of every new one, a system that made no sense, infuriating Madison at every turn. Lourdes knew she was pushing her luck, that the drugs may have been picked up by the police before the army's intervention; that Madison might be carrying the keys on her, or that 'Call me Art' had them on him instead, the disruption of the school day sending his screwed up system into chaos. But again, it was all she had, and so she picked up her pace, ducking through the doorway of the principal's office, her black hair swinging over her shoulder as she leaned over the desk, yanking open the drawers, only to hit pay-dirt.

Snatching up the set of keys, she sprinted for Madison's office, bursting through the doorway, only to suddenly stop short, remembering the unlocked door to the principal's office and now Madison's. Backtracking, she went back into the hallway, remembering the principal's nitpicking ways, how it had always sat at odds with his apparently easygoing 'down with the kids' attitude. Knowing she was wasting time, she checked all the classroom doors, only to find they were all open as well, before heading past the lockers, making for her father's classroom, slowing to a stop at the sight of blood splattered across the opposite wall, the door to the classroom closed, with a set of keys dangling from the lock.

Not realising she was holding her breath, she edged around the pool of blood on the floor, before checking the row of classrooms that preceded her father's, only to find them locked, Lourdes putting together a painful picture, one she didn't want to appreciate. Fighting the panic rising in her, she ran back to Madison's office, her footsteps shattering the silence. One by one, she tried the keys in the lock, but none of them fitted, disbelief duelling with devastation within Lourdes, and when the last key failed her, she flung them aside, before collapsing against Madison's desk, angry tears burning her eyes.

"Lourdes?"

* * *

Her head snapped up, terror swiftly replaced by relief, Tobias stepping into the room, pudgy hands half raised in front of him in almost surrender, Lourdes breaching his barriers by throwing herself into his arms.

"Whoa," Tobias said, suddenly paralysed by panic, "it's going to be okay – sort of."

"Why – why are you here?" Lourdes said, hastily detaching herself from him, remembering too late how tense Tobias was about people violating his personal space.

"Food," Tobias said simply.

"Siege mentality," Lourdes said tiredly, pushing the hair out of her eyes.

"Complete lockdown," Tobias agreed, "so we're stacking up on provisions. It was _my_ idea to hit here for supplies. My beloved family tend to go for the obvious answer – grocery stores, Walmart, _etcetera_." He looked at Lourdes for a long moment, before suddenly grabbing her hand. "You have to come back with me," he said urgently, "I can keep you safe."

Lourdes stared at him, her lower lip trembling. "I can't," she whispered, thinking of her family, "Nick... my dad and the others. I have to be with them."

Tobias nodded, before glancing down at their fingers knotted together, the sight suddenly making him flush hotly. "Why are you here?" he said, dropping her hand like it was a hot potato.

"Drug bust," Lourdes said, her voice cracking.

"Nick?"

"I don't have the keys to the contraband cupboard," Lourdes snapped, gesturing impatiently at the doors, "and since I don't know how to pick a lock, I'm seriously screwed."

"Lever it open."

"I would if I had a crowbar handy," Lourdes said, booting Madison's desk.

"Find one."

"How long is that going to take!?"

"Then it's lucky for you my extensive knowledge isn't entirely legal," Tobias said loftily, fumbling about in the front pocket of his hoody. "Observe the master at work." Ten minutes and a hairpin later, he had the cupboard open, assuming a victorious air as Lourdes grabbed what she needed, stuffing it into her backpack, hesitating before tucking the knife Tobias had given her into the back pocket of her jeans.

"Thanks," she said fervently, "Nick really needs this."

"Then get home and give it to him," Tobias said, steering her by the shoulders out of Madison's office, "and don't look back."

"Toby" -

Before Lourdes could react, Tobias suddenly shoved her sideways, sending her sprawling to the ground. The world became a blinding blur, Lourdes seeing everything at top speed, Tobias wrestling with a reanimated Art, the principal trying to sink his teeth into Tobias's throat, Tobias screaming like a girl, barely keeping him at bay.

Lourdes staggered to her feet, her actions almost automatic, a fire extinguisher suddenly in her shaking hands, and then she was bringing it down on Art over and over again. Somehow he was suddenly still, his crumpled corpse lying on the ground with half his head flattened. Lourdes took a stunned step back, the fire extinguisher falling from her fingers. Somebody was screaming, and it took several moments for Lourdes to realise it was her, Tobias slumped against the wall, tears spilling out of his eyes.

"Lourdes" -

\- "Don't," Lourdes choked out, her screams become strangled speech, "just don't."

Tobias got to his feet, averting his wet eyes away from Art, the sight of his smashed in skull almost obscene. "You killed him," he breathed, staring tearfully at Lourdes, the expression in his eyes almost accusing.

"He – he was _shot_."

"Who shot him?"

"The army, dumbass!"

"But how – how do you know that!?" Tobias said, glancing around them, expecting another attack.

" _Observe_ ," Lourdes half sobbed, half spat, "he's been shot in the chest – you don't need to be Sherlock Holmes to see that!"

"Maybe – maybe he turned," Tobias argued, becoming drawn back into their old habit of disceptation, "and some soldier tried to put him down" -

\- "When did the undead start trying to secure state-run premises!?" Lourdes retorted. "He was locking the school up and they shot him! I seen the keys in my dad's classroom door and the pool of blood on the floor" -

\- "Okay, Lo, you are starting to rhyme now" -

As sudden as Art's attack, Lourdes suddenly sprang at Tobias, her lips clumsily crushing his. For several headspinning seconds, they awkwardly embraced, neither one knowing what to do, until Tobias tore himself away from Lourdes, looking like she'd hit him over the head with the fire extinguisher instead of Art.

"I figured you didn't want to die unkissed either," Lourdes tried to say flippantly, only for her voice to crack, the rest of her almost cracking with it.

"No... no I didn't," Tobias said, dark eyes dazed, "thanks... I think."

 _Let me take you out of this town_  
 _Let me do it right now, baby_  
 _Dancing till dark, staying forever young_  
 _Let's get out of this place, 'cause you're starting to waste_  
 _Within this teenage wasteland..._

* * *

"Where the hell have you been!?"

Lourdes barged past Madison, stalking into the lounge instead, clothes splattered with Art's blood, her pale face framed with tangled dark hair, her eyes empty of expression. It was now late afternoon, the sun starting to sink in the sky, but as Lourdes had cycled home, it felt like time had danced forwards a decade, almost instantly aging her. Killing Art had crossed some unspoken line, scarring Lourdes's soul, but at the same time, it had felt like she'd fought her demons and won. She wasn't as weak as she'd believed she was in this new world, but it was just the beginning of a long battle, and as her gaze met Alicia's, she saw the same struggle for strength in Alicia's eyes, that Alicia had been dealt a devastating blow, trying and failing to bear its burden.

"Matt?" Lourdes said quietly, chucking Alicia the bag of drugs, who caught them with a shaking hand.

But Alicia didn't answer her, going over to where Nick was lying on the couch, his eyes scrunched shut. The television was on mute, displaying an emergency news bulletin, Lourdes barely registering the crowds surging across the screen.

"Where did you go, Lourdes!?" Madison asked, stepping in front of her, face completely bloodless. "Why are you covered in blood!? Are you hurt!?"

She made to grab Lourdes, who sidestepped her, pulling out her cell. "Where's my dad?" Lourdes demanded, dialling his number.

"He's not here."

"Obviously," Lourdes snapped, pressing the cell to her ear, only to reach voicemail. "Shit," she hissed, hitting the redial button.

"Don't treat me like the enemy, Lourdes," Madison snapped back, looming over her, "just tell me where the hell you went and explain what the hell happened to you!" The last few words were issued in an almost scream, making Lourdes flinch, Madison half turning away from her, pushing the hair out of her eyes with shaking hands. "God, Lo, I'm sorry" -

\- "I had to help Nick because you weren't here," Lourdes spat, rounding on Madison, cutting her off, "when I should have been with my dad" -

\- "Nobody stopped you from going with your father" -

\- "You told me and Nick to stay put" -

\- "An order you evidently didn't obey" -

"Nick was relapsing, I had to goddamn do something!"

Madison held up her trembling hands. "All I'm saying, Lourdes, was that I told you to stay here for your own safety," she tried and failed to say calmly, "that I would have let you go with your dad if you wanted to" -

\- "You can't tell me what I can and can't do! You're not my mom" -

\- "You are a minor under my care, therefore that means you are my responsibility" -

\- "School's out, Madison" -

\- "You were practically pissing your pants, Lourdes!" Madison yelled. "Over my dead body you would have gone out there with your father, risking his safety as well as yours in the state you were in!"

Lourdes stared at Madison, her fists curling into balls by her sides, fighting the urge to hit anyone, anything.

"Nick was and is ill," Madison said, her voice cracking, trying and failing to take back control, "and you were scared. So I thought it best that both of you stay here in the house until Travis and I came back with Alicia and the others. But when we returned, it was only to find you gone, and Nick practically comatose. So you need to excuse me for not being just a little bit angry, okay!?" -

\- "I killed one of them."

"What?" Madison said in disbelief, doing a double-take.

"I killed one of them," Lourdes said simply, "it tried to bite Toby and I killed it."

"Slow down sweetie," Madison said, taking Lourdes by the elbows, "what did you kill?" Her voice was light and gentle, trying to coax Lourdes into letting slip her secrets, luring Lourdes into a false sense of security.

"The principal," Lourdes said, some distant part of her recognizing she was close to cracking, "Call me Art. He... he was like Cal. He – he'd changed."

Madison studied Lourdes for a long moment, before pulling her into her arms, leaning her blonde head against Lourdes's dark one. "It's okay, baby girl," she soothed, "it's over, you're safe now."

"It's not safe!" Lourdes screamed, tearing herself out of Madison's arms. "It never was! It was always coming to this, the end!"

"Lourdes" -

\- "I had to smash his skull in with a fire extinguisher," Lourdes yelled, tears rolling down her face, "bashing his brains out" -

\- "SHUT UP!" Alicia suddenly screamed, making Nick who was now sitting up, wrap his arms around his head. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"It's the fucking truth!" Lourdes screeched back, spit flecking the air. "That's the way we have to live now! You get sick, you die and you turn" -

\- " _No_ " -

\- "Baby," Madison said, rushing over to Alicia, "it's okay. That's not going to happen to Matt" -

\- "It's already happened," Lourdes said, shaking her head, "it's already the end. You should have put him down. If he walks" -

\- "Wait, is that Chris!?" Nick interjected, pointing at the television with a trembling finger, making everybody whirl around, only to see Chris at the forefront of the crowd, video camera in hand.

"What the hell..." Madison breathed, still holding the now sobbing Alicia against her shoulder, Nick scrambling off the sofa, only to fall to the floor. "Lie down, Nick!" Madison yelled, before suddenly letting go of Alicia and rushing after Lourdes who had made a sudden dart for the door.

"Let go of me!" Lourdes yelled, twisting and turning, Madison pinioning her arms into almost paralysis.

"What the hell's going on!?" Travis demanded, suddenly piling through the front door, Liza hard on his heels.

Madison let go of Lourdes, flinging herself into Travis's arms instead, Lourdes clinging to her mother, who stared at the television as if she had seen a ghost.

"It's okay, _bebita,_ I'm here now," Liza said to Lourdes, running her beringed hand over her daughter's dark head, before turning to Travis, her brown eyes, Lourdes's eyes, suddenly filled with determination. "Travis," she snapped, making him release Madison, "look." She jerked her head at the television screen, Chris still visible amongst the crowd, making Travis do an almost comical double-take.

Exhaling sharply, Travis then pulled out the keys to the pick-up from his pocket. "Ah, the advantages of Big Brother," he said sarcastically, " _1984_ all over again."


	9. Beware Of Angels

**Beware Of Angels**

"Chris!"

Chris whirled around at the sound of Lourdes's voice, her shout rising above the racket, tearing him out of the almost trance the anarchic atmosphere had him under. "What the hell are you doing here?" he snapped, lowering his video camera, Lourdes fighting her way through the throng to him.

"I saw your little sweet ass television appearance," Lourdes snapped back as Chris glanced over her shoulder, his dark brows drawing together, "and decided to drop by. You should have told me you had a cameo in the chaos." After much argument, wasting time they didn't have, Lourdes had been allowed to come with her parents to find Chris, leaving Madison to look after Nick and Alicia, Lourdes just wanting out of the suffocating house, her head still spinning from what had happened at the school.

"What the hell did you bring him for!?" Chris spat, gesturing wildly at Travis, nearly dropping his video camera as the crowd surged forwards.

"He's our ride out of hell," Lourdes said, grabbing Chris's arm, only for him to yank it out of her grip, his face suddenly ugly with fury.

"Don't you dare touch me!" he yelled, spit flecking the air, Lourdes reeling back, startled, her mother swiftly steadying her.

"We're heading home, Christopher," Liza said firmly, "you'd had your fun. Time to make tracks, kiddo."

"I'm not a kid!" Chris objected, folding up his video camera, slipping it into his pocket.

"No, you're an ass-wipe," Travis snapped, "now get your butt into gear." He had parked the pick-up several blocks away, having fought his way through the gridlock, taking backstreets and driving on the thankfully empty sidewalks. With the sun now starting to set, the day having felt like it had no end, Travis just wanted to take Chris and leave, before finding a dark corner where he could just curl up into a ball and hide from what the world had become.

"Mom, he just called me an ass-wipe!" Chris protested, turning red with rage, Travis turning away from him.

"No, you're an insult to an ass-wipe," Liza said smartly, glancing up as a purple haired punk woman staggered into view just beyond the barrier, the police woman stationed there drawing out her gun, "now move!" She didn't know what the hell was happening, having spent most of the day bunkered in the library studying for her finals, Travis dragging her into what felt like the Fifth Dimension. But whatever it was, Liza instantly ascertained things were going to get ugly, and all she wanted was her children as far away from the fracas as possible.

Before anybody could react, there was a sudden storm of gunshots, all four of them whirling around, caught in the crowd now an almost amalgamous entity, the choir of their voices rising in a chorus of cacophony. Blocking the street behind, police came into view, marching with riot shields held in front of them, moving in measured formation, reminding Lourdes of the Romans she had read about so long ago, spending the summer engrossed in ancient history, a summer that now felt like it had happened to someone else.

"We need to go, _now!_ " Travis yelled, grabbing Lourdes, Liza doing the same with Chris, the three of them following Travis through the crowd, Liza letting out a scream as the police officer shot the purple haired punk woman through the eye, her body crumbling onto the asphalt.

"What the hell is going on!?" Liza cried, hauling Chris on, glancing over her shoulder as she moved, unable to believe what was happening. The police officer was now firing at several people staggering towards her, hitting their bodies with bullets, but still they kept walking, Liza's eyes going wide at the sight, flinching involuntarily at every gunshot.

But Travis didn't answer her, only focusing on getting her and their children the hell out of there, cursing Chris for bringing them here in the first place. He dragged Lourdes down a flight of stairs, Liza and Chris hard on his heels, Lourdes leaping the last three steps, struggling to keep up with her father's longer-legged stride. Smoke was starting to fill the air, the crowd become a swarm of strangers, people running and screaming, a thickset man crashing into Travis, nearly knocking him down.

"Where are we going, Dad!?" Lourdes cried, her hair in her mouth, sweat dripping down her spine. The pick-up truck was in the opposite direction, their path cut off by the scores of fleeing people, chaos keeping them prisoner.

"Somewhere out of here," Travis said through gritted teeth, before slowing to a stop at the sight of several men up ahead, their bandanas and vest tops marking them out as gang members. They were moving at a swift speed in their direction, yelling and punching the air, some armed with baseball bats and metal poles. Behind Travis and the others, the police were now advancing forwards, spreading across the stairs, attacking anyone in their way, the crowd increasing, forming a wave of bodies, threatening to drown everyone, dead or alive.

"Travis," Liza said almost hysterically from beside him, "where do we go!?"

"I don't know!" Travis shouted, feeling like the walls of the world were closing in on him, that he was failing his family.

"Dad, over there!" Lourdes yelled, pointing at a barbershop across the street, a man struggling with the shutters.

Travis hesitated, not wanting them to become trapped in a building, but it didn't look like he had any other option. They were surrounded on all sides, death breathing down the back of their necks, its fingers threatening to close around their throats.

* * *

 _You've got no place to hide_  
 _And I'm feeling like a villain, got a hunger inside_  
 _One look in my eyes_  
 _And you're running because I'm coming going to eat you alive..._

"Excuse me, sir," Travis gasped, throwing himself around the corner, almost crashing into the barbershop's proprietor, "can we come in – please!"

The man looked at him in disbelief. "We are closed," he said abruptly, recovering himself, only to start violently as Liza grabbed his arm, her dark eyes wide and pleading.

" _Por favor_ ," she said in a wild rush, " _mis hijos, por favor_."

" _Lo siento_ ," the man replied, shaking his head, his faint accent suddenly becoming pronounced as he spoke in his native tongue, " _mi tienda está cerrada_."

"Look, it's not safe out here, okay!?" Travis argued, suddenly losing his temper, slamming the shutters with his hand. "It's goddamn downright dangerous!"

"That is an understatement," the man said coolly, glancing around him, barely batting an eyelid as a car suddenly exploded into flames further down the sidewalk. "You have a problem, you get the police, okay?"

"The police are precisely our problem!" Travis snapped, looming over the man, who remained unperturbed.

"They're not letting anyone leave," Lourdes said, throwing herself inbetween her father and the man, her voice cracking, "and they're gunning down anyone in their way" -

\- "I am not Superman, _niño_ ," the man said, holding up his hands, but something flickered behind his eyes as he looked upon Lourdes, something that might have been hesitation, Travis instantly pouncing on it.

"Please," he said, grabbing the man's arm, "I have to protect my family – you understand, I can see you're a family man yourself" -

\- " _Daniel_."

They all glanced up, only to see a middle-aged woman standing in the doorway, her face concerned. " _Daniel_ ," the woman repeated, " ' _Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares_ '." The last was delivered in swift Spanish, almost like an ominous warning, the woman's dark eyes lingering on Lourdes's face the longest, her gaze seeming to search Lourdes's features for almost absolution, making Lourdes shift uncomfortably on the spot under her scrutiny.

The man called Daniel looked at her for a long moment, hesitating again, before suddenly making a split decision. "Get inside," he ordered, shoving Lourdes through the door, Chris following, then Liza, then Travis. Daniel quickly pulled the accordion-like door shut behind him, locking it, and not a moment too soon, the shutters instantly being struck by fists outside, the blows making the metal rattle.

For a long moment, Travis and the others stared at the shaking shutters, Liza drawing Lourdes and Chris close to her, her face bloodless. "Thank you," Travis said fervently to Daniel, turning to face him as he spoke, " _thank you_."

"Don't thank me," Daniel said, shrugging his shoulder, "thank my wife."

Travis glanced at the woman, their gazes briefly locking and holding, Travis then nodding, trying to silently show his appreciation, since he was unable to speak a word of Spanish despite having been married to Liza for so long. Once it had been a source of amusement, but not anymore, the time for humour long past. "Do you have a back door?" he asked Daniel urgently, turning to him again. "Even access to the alleyway?" But before Daniel could even answer, Travis was away, not bothering to wait, bursting into the back of the shop instead, shoving aside the crimson curtain that divided the public from the private.

"Travis!" Liza protested, letting go of Lourdes and Chris, before rushing after him. "You can't just barge in! This is their home!"

"Listen to your woman, _bastardo_ ," Daniel spat, following Travis into the back of the shop, suddenly losing his cool, "this is private property!"

"Is there access to the roof, then?" Travis demanded, obvious to admonishments and insults. "We need to see what's coming!"

As Travis, Liza and Daniel argued, out of sight the woman silently took Lourdes and Chris by the arms, leading them over to a bench in the far corner where customers would wait, gently but firmly forcing them to sit down.

"Hey," Chris snapped, "hands off, man."

The sound of his raised voice made Daniel come out of the curtained recess, brow furrowing. "Griselda," he said, exhaling sharply, going over to his wife as he spoke, " _no son ángeles. Déjelos ser_."

"What, we're horned devils then?" Lourdes snapped in Spanish, making Daniel glance at her, his brows drawing together.

"Ha, very funny," he said, eyes narrowing, glancing up as Liza steered Travis through the curtained doorway, "but this is not the time for joking. You will wait out the storm and then you go, _sí_?"

" _Sí_ ," Lourdes agreed abruptly, Daniel studying her for a long moment, eyes narrowing even further.

"If we're going to wait, everyone at least stay away from the windows," Travis said, leading Liza away, even though she was nowhere near the window. "Those shutters don't look too secure."

"If you don't like it, hit the road," Daniel said coldly, "nobody asked you in here. It's only because of my wife's soft heart you are here at all."

Travis glanced at the still rattling shutters, people now throwing themselves bodily against the metal, the shouting and screaming coming from the sidewalks reaching deafening proportions. "I'm – I'm grateful, okay?" he said with great difficulty, spreading his large hands wide, before jerking his chin at Liza and Lourdes. "But I'm not taking them back out there, do you understand?"

Daniel looked at him for a long moment, before abruptly nodding, understanding what Travis was trying to say without actually saying it. "But you stay out front, _sí?_ " he said, gesturing impatiently at the bench the teenagers were sitting on, indicating for Travis to sit down the same as them.

"Papa?" Everybody glanced up as a young woman held aside the curtain, hesitating in the doorway, her brows drawing together. "Papa?" she repeated, stepping forwards, letting the curtain swing shut behind her. "What is going on? I thought you were closing up the shop."

"Meet more of your mother's lame dogs, Ofelia," Daniel said abruptly, waving his hand at Travis and the others. "Now, please go upstairs."

But Ofelia ignored his order, stepping forwards instead, smoothing down her polka-dotted dress as she moved. "Is everything okay?" she asked him, glancing around at Travis and the others, her dark eyes suspicious.

"We're fine," Daniel said impatiently, "but it's better if you go back upstairs, _sí?_ "

"Who are you?" Ofelia asked Travis abruptly, once again ignoring her father's order.

Travis looked at her for a long moment, bewildered by her bellicose manner, her sudden appearance startling him. "Um – yeah - I'm – I'm sorry," he said hastily, shaking his head, trying to get a grip, "I'm – I'm Travis, and this is my family." He gestured vaguely at Liza and his children, not wanting to delve into the dynamics of his domestic life. "We – we just need somewhere to ride out that shit-storm out there, and then we'll be gone, I promise."

"Travis, don't swear," Liza hissed, "especially in front of our hosts!"

Ofelia looked at Liza for a long moment, her lips surprisingly twitching slightly, softening her severe expression. "It's okay," she said, amused at Liza's agitation, "I think my delicate ears can handle a curse word."

"Ofelia" -

\- "Please, sit down," Ofelia cut across Daniel, gesturing for Travis and Liza to take a seat, "rest and relax." She went over to her mother, sliding her arm around her waist, both mother and daughter exchanging somewhat nervous smiles, throwing into relief the familial resemblance between them.

"Thank you," Travis said, ushering Liza forwards, "you're all being very kind."

"Kindness has nothing to do with it," Daniel said coldly, "only foolishness."

* * *

Darkness had finally fallen, the electricity cutting out, initially plunging the place into panic, until Daniel and Ofelia had hastily lit candles, Chris surprisingly helping them, using his cell to guide them through the darkness, angrily rebuffing Lourdes's offer to help. As time slowly ticked past, the conflict outside continuing, Lourdes had given up trying to reach Tobias, Madison and the others, her cell now lying uselessly in her lap, her father clutching his own phone between his fingers, almost crushing it out of existence.

" _Tienes hermosos hijos_ ," Griselda said to Liza, indicating Chris and Lourdes, " _al igual que Ángeles_."

Daniel glanced up at this, but he held his tongue, anxious not to agitate his wife, to let her hide from reality behind her beliefs.

" _Gracias_ ," Liza said with a strained smile, smoothing down Lourdes's dark hair, " _usted tiene una hija hermosa también_."

Griselda smiled, the expression illuminating her whole face, nodding her head in thankfulness for the compliment. "What is your name, little one?" she asked Lourdes, lapsing into English, making the girl glance up, looking exhausted.

"Lourdes Arorangi Manawa," Lourdes said, rousing herself with great difficulty, making Griselda do a double-take at her exotic title, forehead furrowing. "My mother's family is Basque," she explained, gesturing to Liza, "my father from New Zealand. Arorangi is a Maori name – it means 'to heaven'. My brother got lucky; he escaped with 'James' as his middle name."

Griselda's face cleared of confusion. " _Our Lady of Lourdes_ ," she said reverently, clasping Lourdes's hand, "I knew you were blessed when I first see your face."

Lourdes just smiled uneasily, not sure what to do or say, Chris inadvertently rescuing her. "I'm bored," he inexplicably announced, rising to his feet, "bored out of my fucking skull, man."

"Chris!" Liza snapped, now reprimanding both father and son over their foul language. "Watch your mouth!"

Chris just ignored her, going over to the shopfront window, peering through the shutters. Lourdes awkwardly patted the back of Griselda's hand, feeling extremely uncomfortable at the older woman's almost intrusive maternal manner, before getting to her own feet, slipping her cell into her back pocket as she rose, her fingers brushing against the blade concealed there. She stood there for a moment, shaking out the stiffness of her legs from being seated for so long, before joining Chris by the window. Pushing the hair out of her eyes, she leant forwards, starting slightly as a car alarm went off, Lourdes recovering herself with a ruthless shake of the head, forcing herself to get a grip.

But as her gaze travelled over the outside world, it was only to be greeted by complete carnage, flames throwing shadows, sirens screaming as police patrol cars raced past, masked men stalking the sidewalk, predators prowling for prey. There was the sound of windows smashing, people yelling, stooped figures shuffling just out of sight. The world was dying, not with a whimper, but a bang, the sight making Lourdes's hands ball into fists, her bitten nails biting into her palms, leaving faint unevenly carved crescent moon marks.

"Get away from the window," Travis ordered from behind them, his voice cracking, "both of you."

Lourdes turned around, her dark gaze meeting his, yet they were not the eyes of a child, but the haunted eyes of a woman too soon, a girl forced to grow up fast or face death. The sight made Travis take a step back, but Liza stepped forwards, her face exhausted but resigned. She had always known there was steel in Lourdes's soul, holding her together whilst her world fell apart, her once happy home life becoming destroyed by divorce. Yet Lourdes had been wise enough to see that her parents were better apart than together, entangled in acrimony. It was a logic Chris had refused to comprehend, then and now, the knowledge separating brother and sister.

"Sit down, Chris," Liza said quietly, something in her face stopping him from opposing her order. "You don't need to see this." Unwillingly, Chris wordlessly went to sit back down on the bench beside Griselda, Liza taking his place beside Lourdes by the window. " _Bebita,_ " she said softly, drawing Lourdes to her, her daughter stiffening slightly, "what have you seen? What have you _done_?"

"Don't you mean what do I know?" Lourdes said in a low voice, casting Liza's ignorance about the unfolding chaos back in her face. "What I've learned about the new world order, that we're bottom of the food chain?"

 _"Lo" -_

 _-_ "You know nothing, _mamá_ ," Lourdes snapped, finding a twisted relief in unleashing her rage on Liza, "absolutely _nada_ " -

\- "You're right," Liza said, spreading her hands wide, hiding her confusion at Lourdes acting like Chris, "I don't know anything about what's happening. But I know my daughter – I know _you,_ Lourdes, and I know when something isn't right" -

\- "You can't make it better," Lourdes said, shaking her head, "you can't make it right, _mamá."_

Liza glanced over her shoulder at where Travis and Chris were watching, Travis worried, Chris morbidly curious, the others feigning forced absorption in their own activities. "Tell me what the hell's going on," she said, her voice cracking, "what this world has done to my baby girl."

"You don't need me to tell you," Lourdes spat, "you seen it for yourself. The dead are walking, _mamá_ , zombi, decedents, snake gods. Romero's worst nightmares are coming true" -

Chris snorted at his sister's sensational statement, making Lourdes's head snap round, only to be confronted by the sight her brother's mocking face. "Zombies aren't real, Lo," he said scornfully, "you've been hanging out with Nick too much."

 _"_ Are you insane or just _pendejo_!?" Lourdes hissed, tearing herself out of her mother's hold, ignoring the others' shocked stares. "Did you just happen to miss the corpses cavorting outside!?"

"They're sick people," Chris said, getting to his feet, "sick people who need help, sick people who are being slaughtered, murdered by those fascists out there" -

\- " _You_ make me sick, Chris," Lourdes said, shaking her head, "denying the truth with your ridiculous theories, flinging them in the face of harsh fact" -

\- "I might not be a nerd of the first water," Chris said cruelly, "but at least I'm completely compos mentis when it comes to knowing the difference between a so called cavorting corpse and a sick person" -

\- "No, you're wrong, son," Travis said, stepping forwards, his voice shaking, "the dead are walking. We seen it ourselves – _I've_ seen it. Lourdes isn't lying or mistaken. This – this is happening." He abruptly turned away from them all, running his hand down the side of his face, scrunching up his eyes. On the bench, Griselda let out a low moan, falling to her knees, hands raised, silently beseeching, Daniel and Ofelia rushing to her side, Chris edging away from them, as if their anguish was infectious.

Liza just stared at Travis, silently ordering him to face her, her fists clenching by her sides. In that moment, she looked like Lourdes, the steel scaffolding her soul, holding her together, mother like daughter. Travis shifted slightly, sensing her stare, but the ensuing silence was splintered by the sound of Travis's phone going off, making everybody start violently.

"Maddie!?" Travis yelled into his phone, almost dropping it in his haste to answer. " _Maddie!?_ "

"I'm here," Madison said in a wild rush, "I've been trying to get through for hours. Where are you, baby? Did you find Chris? Is Lourdes and Liza okay?"

"We're safe," Travis said, struggling to keep his voice steady, "as safe as we can be. Everyone's okay – we found Chris. How's Nick? Is he stable? And Alicia, she alright?"

As he spoke, there was the sound of smashing glass, Chris rushing over to the window, peering through the shutters, craning his neck. "They've broken into next door," he said, turning around, dark eyes blown wide, "what do we do?"

"What do you mean, 'what do we do'?" Daniel said scathingly, speaking for the first time since Lourdes's revelation the dead has risen. "We stay here, that's what we do."

"But they might get in here" -

\- "Nobody is getting in here," Daniel said dangerously, "dead or alive."

"Madison, we need to go," Travis said unwillingly down the phone, watching as Chris rushed over to the wooden wall, pressing his palm against the cheap pine, "we'll get home as soon as we can. Stay safe, I love you"-

\- "Dad, they've set next door on fire," Chris said, his voice cracking, jerking his hand away as the heat became too much to bear, "we have to go – _now_."

Immediately, Travis cut the call off, stuffing his phone into his jean pocket, battling the blind panic threatening to overwhelm him. As Ofelia snatched up jackets, her pretty face pale, hands shaking, Griselda made for her makeshift altar, grabbing her rosary beads before pressing her lips to them, scrunching up her eyes, Daniel dropping a kiss on her head before making his own preparations, leaving Ofelia to tend to her mother, helping her put on her jacket, smoothing back her dark hair as if Griselda was the child, and Ofelia the mother.

"Listen to me," Travis said frantically, gathering his own family close, "we stay close together, okay? We don't stop for anything. We head straight for the truck" -

\- "What about them?" Liza said in a low voice, glancing at Ofelia and the others, Daniel catching her eye, hearing her words despite her best efforts. She wanted to help them, but as she looked at Lourdes and Chris, she knew she would willingly see Daniel and the others die if it meant her children would live.

"They're coming with us, _mamá,"_ Lourdes snapped, "they helped us when they didn't have to. So we help them, _entender_?"

Liza stared at her defiant daughter, not recognizing Lourdes in the recalcitrant stranger standing before her, Liza then nodding, recovering herself. "Okay, we help them," she agreed abruptly, "but what after that?"

"We head in different directions," Daniel said, shrugging on his jacket as he came over, "a parting of the ways." He turned to Chris, a grim smile playing on his lips, eyes filled with malicious amusement. "It looks like we won't be staying after all, boy," he said, flipping his cuffs, "not if the dead are moving into the neighbourhood."


	10. Tally-Marks

**Tally-Marks**

"Everyone ready?" Travis asked, glancing round at them all, trying and failing to feign a confidence he didn't feel.

Lourdes bit her lip as everyone nodded, faces bloodless, shoulders tense. Travis nodded in turn, before taking that final step, opening the door into the unknown. Almost immediately, a group of hooded men swarmed the shop, Daniel and his family managing to break through the flood of bodies, stumbling into the street outside, Chris caught inbetween, Travis trapped against the wall. But Lourdes was swept further back into the shop, Liza frantically grabbing the back of her t-shirt, only to find her fingers closing around empty air.

" _Lo!_ " Liza screamed, rushing forwards, only to be shoved backwards, crashing into one of the barber's chairs.

Lourdes was only aware of an almost emptiness beneath her feet, like she was being taken by the tide, the current carrying her away. But then she was being slammed against the wooden wall, the brick beneath burning into the back of her neck, only to find a face inches from hers, bright green eyes boring into her own.

"What have we here, boys? And the night's only young" -

"So pretty" -

\- "C'mon, man, we don't do this shit" -

\- "Says who?"

As they argued, their voices muffled by the bandanas wrapped around their faces, Lourdes dimly heard her father shouting, Liza screaming, Daniel yelling in the doorway – And then her blood-splattered t-shirt was suddenly torn from the neck-line down, bringing Lourdes back to life, the blade from her back pocket just as suddenly flashing through the air, slashing her attacker's face. As he doubled up in agony, screaming, clutching his face, Lourdes dived under outstretched arms, only to collide with Chris who shoved her behind him, bringing down one of Daniel's old-fashioned cut-throat razors, slamming into one of the men's shoulders.

"Run!" Travis ordered, his voice almost hoarse from yelling, his dark eyes wild. "Goddamn fucking _run!_ "

Liza hauled Lourdes outside, cursing and crying in Spanish, Chris on their heels, Travis punching one of their pursuers in the face, before turning tail. As they ran, fighting their way through the crowd, Lourdes glanced up, only to find Ofelia by her side, Daniel and Griselda some distance behind. Ofelia's gaze travelled downwards, her eyes widening, hand flying to her mouth, but Travis only pushed her onwards, sending her crashing into Chris, who caught her with an impatient hand, steadying her.

"Stay close together!" Travis hollered, trying to hold himself together, even as he was falling apart. "Head for the truck!"

As Liza dragged Lourdes down a flight of steps, Lourdes felt her face becoming increasingly wet, only to realise with vague surprise she was crying, the tears falling thick and fast, obscuring her vision. But Liza was merciless, dragging her daughter on, Travis herding Ofelia and Chris onwards, shooting frantic glances over his shoulder at the straggling Daniel and Griselda.

"Dad!?" Chris called out, slowing to a stop, his horrified gaze becoming drawn downwards.

But Travis barely glanced at the police officer being eaten alive in front of them, only thinking of getting his family out of hell, the flames threatening to devour their flesh before the dead did. "Keep moving!" Travis bellowed, shoving Chris forwards, making him stumble.

" _Fucking_ Mary _Mother_ of _fucking_ God!" Liza yelled, pulling Lourdes away, almost yanking her arm out of her socket.

Sirens screamed, the distant beat of marching feet coming closer and closer, Travis catching the glint of riot shields through the smoke choking the air. "This way!" he shouted, waving his arm at Daniel and Griselda, indicating for them to follow him.

With Travis leading the way, they sprinted down a wide walkway, heading towards some abandoned roadworks, people scrambling up onto the scaffolding overhead, making it shake threateningly. Travis slowed down at the sight, but there was no way round it, forcing them to fight their way through the crowd scaling the scaffolding like children with a climbing frame, Travis and the others almost becoming entangled in a web of bodies and bars.

But just as they made it to the other side, there was a sudden chorus of screams, then a huge crash, making them all whirl around, only to see Daniel lying on the concrete, having flung himself clear of the falling scaffolding, Griselda caught in the chaos, her leg trapped beneath some heavy poles and planks of wood.

"Mama!" Ofelia screamed, rushing back, tearing herself out of Travis's hold.

"Come on!" Chris yelled, going after her, the others immediately following.

"Get back!" Travis bellowed, pushing Ofelia aside, so he, Daniel and Chris could clear the debris from Griselda; Lourdes and Liza grabbing a pole at each end, half rolling, half lifting it clear. Travis then lifted Griselda up into his arms, ignoring her sharp cry of pain, before frantically heading in the direction of his parked truck, Griselda's weight slowing his stride down, the truck seeming to recede from him.

"Lourdes, get the truck started," Liza snapped, shoving the keys into her daughter's hand, the metal biting into Lourdes's palm, "Chris, go with her."

The two teenagers sprinted ahead, throwing themselves into the front seat, Lourdes grabbing the steering wheel for support as she shoved the key into the ignition, trying and failing to steady her trembling hands. Then the door to her side was suddenly flung open, making Lourdes's head snap up, expecting the enemy, only to find her father filling the doorframe.

"Move over," Travis said abruptly, "I'll drive."

Lourdes slid into the centre of the seat, becoming wedged between Travis and Chris, their closeness lending her a brief comfort.

"Where's Mom?" Chris demanded, his voice oddly high, making him sound very young for a moment.

"She's in the back with the others," Travis snapped, his tormented gaze falling upon Lourdes's torn t-shirt, the fabric flapping wide open, exposing the gingham patterned brassiere underneath. "My baby girl," he whispered, reaching for her, only for his hand to fall to his side, "my poor baby girl, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry"-

Somebody thumped the roof, making Travis jerk violently, his knee battering off the underside of the dashboard.

"Dad," Lourdes said, trying to cover herself up, humiliation and hot shame coursing over her, "just drive, please!?"

Travis kicked the engine into life, wildly swinging the vehicle round, making Lourdes and Chris crash into each other, the throng outside trying and failing to stop the truck in its tracks, refusing to let it leave their twisted party.

"Here," Chris said quietly to Lourdes, pulling his hoodie over his head, before handing it to her, "put this on."

Lourdes wordlessly took it, dragging it over her dark head, the tears still rolling down her face. One glance at her father, and she saw her tears echoed by his, silently spilling down his cheeks. She couldn't believe she'd been in class just that day, the memory now seeming to belong to another life, time becoming tangled in knots. She didn't want to think of Cal or Art; of seeing Tobias walk away from her for probably the last time; of her aching body, the stench of sweat edged with the iron tang of blood. This wasn't her life, but some distant part of her accepted it as thus, that there would be no rest for the wicked now.

"We need a doctor, Trav!" Liza yelled through the back window, but Travis just stared straight ahead, refusing to acknowledge reality.

"This isn't happening," Chris whispered to himself, shaking his head, making Lourdes glance at him, "it can't be."

As if to prove him wrong, there was the sudden sound of gunshots, making Chris lean forwards, peering through the windscreen. There was a hospital looming ahead, its roof on fire, the smell of smoke acrid in the air. The truck passed an abandoned ambulance, its lights flashing, and for a moment, Lourdes thought her father was going to stop, but he pushed his foot down hard on the pedal, making the pick-up pick up speed.

"Oh my God," Chris breathed, leaning past Lourdes, craning his neck past Travis's stony profile. "Oh my fucking _God_."

A row of riot police were firing wildly at a lone hospital patient standing with her arms held wide, almost as if she were coming to embrace them. All around, people were panicking, their screams rising above the sound of sirens, civilians and soldiers running in all directions. As the truck sped past, Lourdes got a glimpse of the hospital patient collapsing like a puppet with its strings suddenly cut, and then it was gone, leaving only an echo of its image burned on her eyelids. And as she sank back in her seat, she realised it wasn't the dead who would defeat the living, but fear.

 _If I only knew the answer_ _  
_ _And if all our days are numbered_ _  
_ _Then why do I keep counting…_


	11. Losing Touch

**Losing Touch**

Madison, Alicia and Nick sat around the coffee table, playing Monopoly, Madison's mind frantically elsewhere, putting a face on for her family, when out in the hall, the front door suddenly flew open with a crash, making their heads snap up, Nick dropping all his cards.

"Maddie!" Travis yelled from the hall. "Madison, sweetheart!?"

Madison threw herself through the lounge doorway, crashing into the coffee table as she ran, only to find Travis standing there, face strained, carrying a strange woman in his arms, one of her shoes missing, the left leg of her white Capri pants pushed up, revealing a mangled foot and ankle. Behind him stood two more strangers, a young woman and an older man, then Liza, Lourdes and Chris, all three looking like they'd been dragged through a hedge backwards.

Instantly, Madison took control, realizing this wasn't the time to start asking questions. "Upstairs," she said quickly, motioning Travis on, "I'll get the first aid kit." As she dashed into the kitchen, Travis and the strangers hastily made their way up the narrow staircase, Liza hard on their heels, not before dropping a fierce kiss on each of her children's brows.

Leaving Chris to close the front door, Lourdes wandered dazedly into the lounge, only to find Nick muttering over the Monopoly board, straightening it to his specifications, his mother's careering into the coffee table having sent everything askew. Alicia glanced up, only to see Lourdes standing in the doorway, dark eyes wild and wide.

"What's with you?" Alicia asked coldly, leaning back in her seat, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Lourdes just stared at her. "You were all playing _Monopoly_ while we were out _there?_ " she said incredulously, waving her arm agitatedly at the candlelit lounge, its comforting domestic cocoon the very antithesis of everything she and the others had just endured.

"I was the shoe," Nick announced, holding up a finger, looking proud of himself.

"You were the _shoe?_ " Lourdes said in disbelief.

"Yes, I was, Mother Hen," Nick said, getting unsteadily to his feet, looking better despite his poor balance. "I made a rather splendid shoe, if I do say so myself."

Before Nick could react, Lourdes was suddenly almost on top of him, shoving him backwards, making him stagger. "You were a fucking shoe!?" she screamed, shoving him again, before launching a full-scale attack, Nick throwing his arms across his face to shield himself from her pummelling fists.

"Lo!" Alicia yelled, throwing herself between Lourdes and Nick, before shoving Lourdes back by the shoulders. "Back off! He's just had a goddamn relapse!"

Lourdes crashed into Chris, who had come into the room, flicking all the lights on, looking shocked at his sister's violent outburst.

"What the hell's going on?" Alicia demanded, stepping in front of Nick, protecting him from any further violence. "Why do you all look like hell!?"

"We all know why you do," Lourdes spat, almost squinting at Alicia, the glare of the artificial light making her eyes ache, "that your precious boyfriend's probably kicking up daisies by now."

A shadow flickered across Alicia's face, something akin to insanity flickering behind her green eyes, but then she mastered herself, her usual self-control kicking in. "What happened out there, Lourdes?" she said slowly, enunciating every vowel and syllable. "What's going on?"

"You were playing goddamn Monopoly" -

\- "So you keep saying," Nick sing-songed sarcastically.

"Shut up," Alicia snapped over her shoulder at him. "Of course we weren't just playing Monopoly," she then fired at Lourdes, facing her again. "Mom's being going out of her freaking mind, and Nick was doing his usual projectile vomiting routine, whilst you were all God knew where. We had to do something to stop climbing the walls with worry, Lo! That's why we had the goddamn game out!"

"I'm touched that you care," Lourdes said darkly, wiping her still wet eyes with the back of her hand, hiding her shock at Alicia's obvious angry concern, that somewhere beneath Alicia's still surface, there was some strange modicum of family feeling.

Before anybody could react, the lights suddenly went out, plunging them into almost darkness, the candlelight keeping the blackness at bay. Then there was the sound of stumbling and banging about from the bedroom above, Travis loudly cursing, making Alicia go out into the hall, hesitating before coming to a stop at the foot of the stairs.

"Mom!" she called up, grabbing the newel post, one foot on the bottom step. "Do you need help!?"

"No, just stay put, baby," Madison called down, "we've got torches."

Sensing her mother was all but saying 'butt out', Alicia rolled her eyes, only to start violently as a loud scream shattered the silence outside, the noise abruptly cut off. Rushing into the lounge, banging her arm off the bookcase as she ran, it was only for Alicia to find the others congregated around the window, Chris clutching a torch, Nick peering through the blinds, shoulders hunched, Lourdes with her back pressed against the wall, looking like she was going to hyperventilate.

"What is it?" Alicia asked urgently, making Nick whirl around, his face wild.

"Ssh," he hissed, pressing his fingers to his lips. "Turn the fucking volume down!"

"What was that scream?" Alicia whispered, coming over. "It sounded like it came from the Cruz's' house" -

\- "Everybody get away from the windows," Nick ordered, Chris surprisingly obeying, hastily handing Lourdes his torch, before scrolling the blinds shut.

"Nick," Alicia protested, "we have to check" -

\- "Everything okay in here?" Travis demanded from the doorway, startling them all.

"Sitting pretty, padre," Nick said smartly, making Travis give him a funny look, before heading back into the hall and upstairs again.

"Isn't he going to check?" Alicia said incredulously.

"Nobody's going to check, Lish," Nick said, as he started staggering around the lounge, blowing out all the candles, "not Travis, not you, not me. We stay inside."

Alicia looked at him for a long moment, before turning to Lourdes, her face suddenly and surprisingly pleading. "It's true, then?" she said, her voice cracking. "The dead are actually walking?"

"Jeesh, there's a time and place," Nick snapped, clamping his hands over his ears. "Don't wanna hear, don't wanna hear!"

"You know they are," Lourdes said sullenly, "you heard me earlier, how they... change."

Alicia bit down on her lip, thinking of Matt, his feverish face, his body burning like a furnace, Matt changing right in front of her, Alicia powerless to stop it. The thought made her fingers fly to her wrist, closing around the vividly inked vortex on her wrist, almost manacling herself to Matt's memory.

"I'm sorry," Lourdes said suddenly to Alicia, startling everyone, "what I said about Matt. I didn't mean it."

Alicia acknowledged her apology with an abrupt turn of the head, only to flinch as something threw itself against the French doors, making them rattle.

"What the heck!?" Chris exclaimed, as Lourdes swung the torch around, its beam hitting the black and white patterned curtains.

" _Ssh!_ " Nick hissed again, frantically flapping his hands like wings, making him strangely resemble a scarecrow for a moment. "Stay away from there!" he said, halting Alicia in her tracks, flinging his arm out to block Chris as well.

But Lourdes ignored him, dashing over to the French doors, flinging the curtain aside, only to see the Cruz family's pet German Shepherd, Timmy, standing on its hind legs, scratching the glass with agitated paws. "Tim-Tim?" Lourdes said in confusion, quickly letting the dog in, Timmy pressing himself against her, his large body shaking, a low whine escaping his throat.

"What happened, boy?" Nick asked the dog as he knelt down in front of him, running his shaking hand over the brown and black fur. "Why are you... _bleeding?_ " Nick held up his crimson hands, face horrified, dark eyes dilating.

"What!?" Lourdes exclaimed, dropping down onto her knees beside Nick, only to see gleaming patches of red flecking Timmy's coat, large chunks of fur having been torn out. The dog looked like he'd been _chewed_ on, making the bile rise in Lourdes's throat, fresh tears burning the backs of her eyes. "I – I need to get my mom," she said, standing up, "she – she can fix him" -

The rest of her sentence was cut off by Timmy suddenly bounding forwards, running over to the front window, barking madly at something unseen. Lourdes hurriedly slammed the French doors shut, before sliding the snib into place, Nick drawing the curtains, suddenly collapsing sideways against the glass, face exhausted. As they did, Chris and Alicia ran over to the window, Alicia laying her hand on Timmy's head, trying to reassure him as Chris separated the blind slats, eyes narrowing as he craned his neck, only to freeze.

"Chris, man, what do you see?" Nick whispered, straightening up. "Who's out there?"

"One – one of _them_ ," Chris said in disbelief, making Alicia turn wide eyes on him, face shocked.

Nick bowed his head, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "We – we need to go next door," he said in a wild rush, raising his head.

"What?" Alicia asked, bewildered.

"They have a shotgun," Nick snapped, "I tried to steal it once."

"You did what!?"

"Never mind the details, Lish," Nick said, limping in the direction of the kitchen, "it's time to make tracks."

 _I'm in no hurry_ _  
_ _You go run and tell your friends I'm losing touch_ _  
_ _Fill their heads with rumors of impending doom_ _  
_ _It must be true…_


	12. Waiting On The Edge

**Author's Note:** A new video can be found on Youtube under: **open your eyes | nick clark & lourdes (oc)**.

* * *

 **Waiting On The Edge**

The four of them crept through the dark garden, Lourdes glancing involuntarily up at the dimly lit window where her father and Madison where, the interlopers now installed in Alicia's bedroom. She had shut Timmy up in her father's cramped study, ignoring the crash of books and papers that followed in her wake, indicating Timmy had immediately began causing chaos. As they approached the fence that divided their property from the Tran family's next door, Chris's hand found Lourdes's, pressing his sweating palm against hers, Lourdes giving his fingers a swift squeeze. Despite everything, he was her brother, protecting her as she protected him, Lourdes involuntarily remembering the flash of the razor as he brought it down on one of her attackers, sinking it into the stranger's flesh.

Still shaking at the memory, she pulled Chris's hoodie closer around her, Chris gripping her hand like grim death now, reminding her of the frightened little boy he'd once been. They were in this together now, Chris wordlessly admitting he had been wrong, now reluctantly accepting what he was seeing. As reality rewrote itself around him, Chris staggered onwards, fumbling his way for the fence, Lourdes stumbling alongside him, Alicia just up ahead, Nick leading the way. This wasn't their world anymore, but there was no time to find their place in it, to forge a way forwards; they only had literal heartbeats to keep their heads above water, to stay one step ahead of the current that threatened to drag them under.

"Stay close," Nick flung at all three of them over his shoulder, "and keep quiet." Without another word, he awkwardly ascended the metal wastebins, then he was over the fence, disappearing from sight. Hesitating, Alicia followed him, hauling herself upwards with some difficulty. Then she too was gone, her long brown hair billowing out behind her. Taking a deep breath, Chris clambered atop the metal wastebins, helping Lourdes up, before swinging himself over the side of the fence, Lourdes following, dropping like a cat onto the crazy paving path beyond, the walkway framed by the wooden maze-like fruit cage clumsily constructed by Patrick Tran, the structure looming out of the darkness like a large animal.

"Shouldn't we have brought a weapon?" Alicia hissed as Nick dusted himself down, Chris and Lourdes standing side by side again, both suddenly looking very vulnerable, throwing the familial resemblance between them into relief.

"Keep up, Lish," Nick snapped, dark eyes darting around, seeing enemies everywhere, the paranoia his high usually brought still not quite out his system. "We're here for said weapon."

"Yeah, whatever, Monopoly Man," Lourdes muttered, still pissed at him for playing board games whilst they'd been out amidst the chaos. To Lourdes, alliances and allegiances were fast becoming altered by the unfolding events. Alicia had gained some surprising ground, showing real concern when Nick hadn't, and that made all the difference, even as Alicia had made stupid excuses for her actions.

"You still freaking out over that?" Nick retorted, making Lourdes whip around, face suddenly feral. "You sure know how to pick a time and place to throw a hissy fit" -

\- "We were out _there_ ," Lourdes spat, striding over to him, "and you know _exactly_ what's out _there_ , yet you just hid back here, playing bloody board games!" -

\- "Alright, alright, I acted like a flake," Nick said, flinging up his hands, "and I'm sorry, okay? So can we now focus on the matter at hand" -

\- "It's that hoary old chestnut of us versus them, isn't it?" Lourdes cut across him, mouth a sarcastic moue, unperturbed by the pale Nick towering above her. "As soon as the shit hits the fan; you, Madison and Alicia all gang up and batten down the hatches, and screw the rest of us who aren't called Clark" -

\- "Hey, we're in this together," Alicia interrupted angrily, "I mean, we're all here, aren't we?"

"Yeah, but you weren't there for opening night, were you?" Lourdes said, becoming hysterical, her dark eyes wild. "There was nearly one great big gang-b" -

\- "Lourdes!" Chris cried, lunging forwards, grabbing her arm. "Goddamn don't" -

\- "You missed the strip-show, guys," Lourdes laughed manically, tears falling thick and fast down her face, Nick and Alicia staring at her in horror as the realization of her meaning sunk in. "Fucking free for all" -

\- "Lourdes," Nick said helplessly, trying to take her in his arms, his feeble fingers fumbling to get a grip on the fabric of her hoodie, "I'm – I'm sorry – I – I didn't know" -

\- "Don't fucking touch me!" Lourdes snapped, tearing herself out of his hold.

"Okay, okay," Nick snapped back, dropping his hands to his sides, staring at Lourdes as if she was a stranger, "keep your goddamn hair on!"

"Screw you!" Lourdes spat, wiping her eyes with the inside of her wrists. "Screw your fucking junkie ass!" -

\- "Well, screw you too!" -

\- "God, you're an _asshol_ e, Clark," Chris said in disbelief, stepping in front of Lourdes, clenching his fists as he moved, nostrils flaring, "you've really outdone yourself tonight" -

\- "Break it up, guys!" Alicia intervened, wading inbetween them all, Chris looking like he was going to strike Nick. "We're here for the shotgun, so we get said shotgun, then we go, right?"

"That's what I've been saying all along," Nick said abruptly, before limping ahead, head bowed. But as he moved, he suddenly punched one of the wooden posts that formed the fruit cage, a bitter cry of anguished frustration escaping his lips. Lourdes just stood there, shocked despite herself, having never seen Nick lose control like that before, his anger almost alien. Knowing Nick better than anyone, Alicia gently touched Lourdes's elbow, silently signaling her to follow, rousing Lourdes from her reverie, Chris hesitating before taking her hand again, leading her onwards towards the unknown.

In a matter of moments, all four of them hurriedly emerged from the entrance of the fruit cage, Nick almost bent double, glad to have escaped its cage-like confines, the rough wood catching on their clothes, feeling almost like grasping hands, making Lourdes flinch. Without warning, Nick suddenly darted towards the front door of the Tran family home, tripping over a plant-pot as he ran across the patio, almost breaking his neck. Alicia rushed after him, even as she was as ever always too late to stop his fall, but Nick surprisingly steadied himself, racing ahead and up the steps, dropping to his knees and pulling back the well-worn welcome mat, revealing a key.

"Always said the old lady lacked imagination," Nick said cruelly, staggering to his feet, clutching the key like a trophy.

"Nick!" Alicia snapped, insulted by his insult. Like Nick, Alicia had known the Tran family since she was a child; both siblings had spent a lot of time with Susan Tran, who had often minded them whilst Madison was at work, but it was Alicia who was closest to Susan, Alicia classing the old woman as family.

"Yeah, yeah, we all know you're sweet Sue's shining little star," Nick muttered as he slid the key into the lock, old grudges rising to the surface. He could unleash his charm on anyone and overwhelm them into submission, anyone but Susan Tran, who stood all of barely four feet eleven, staring him down, saying he was a bad boy, a phrase oft repeated over the years.

"Shut up, Nick," Alicia said through gritted teeth as Chris and Lourdes came up the steps, all three then following Nick into the house, all almost holding their breath as they crossed the threshold. As they moved, Nick snatching up a tartan-patterned torch from the table-top, switching it on with a loud click, Alicia suddenly called out, "Susan! Patrick? It's Alicia!" making the others start violently.

"Put a sock in it, Lish!" Nick snapped, brandishing the torch at her. "You wanna wake the dead!?"

"Ha-ha," Chris said sarcastically, "you're really killing me here, Clark."

Nick just shot him a dirty look before leading the way again, a now silent Alicia reluctantly following, Chris and Lourdes bringing up the rear, glancing nervously around them as they went, only for the power to return, all the lights suddenly flickering on, making them all, even Alicia this time, jump again. "Susan?" Nick called out hesitantly, contradicting his earlier edict. "You kicking about? It's me, Nick, your bad boy!"

"That doesn't sound right," Chris muttered, making Nick glare at him again. "Sounds downright weird."

"It's not weird," Nick retorted, "it's just something she calls me, okay?"

"What, are you her plaything?" Chris flung back. "Her towering toy boy or some freaky shit like that?"

"Can it, okay?" Alicia snapped, rounding on them both. "If anyone else says something else trashing Susan, I'll make sure you're sorry for it, yeah?"

"Okay, okay," Nick said, holding his hand up, the other holding the torch aloft, "your wish is so not our command."

Alicia just tossed her hair over her shoulder, before leading the way this time, calling out to Susan again, blindly believing her to be in the building, Lourdes hanging back, still silent, suspecting nobody was home, Alicia chasing ghosts.

"Susan's not here," Lourdes said, giving voice to her thoughts, making Alicia glance over her shoulder.

"Light switches can't turn themselves on," Alicia said coldly, "even as the dead walk." She strode ahead, Lourdes shaking her head, figuring the lights had been left on when the power cut had kicked in, cutting out, only to come back on when the electricity was online again. Nick glanced at her as he followed his sister, but Lourdes avoided his probing gaze, averting her eyes from his. They passed through the hall, then the stairs leading into the basement, before going into the dark living room, Lourdes swiftly deducing the lights hadn't been switched on in this part of the house prior to the powercut. Chris tried to turn the lights on, but nothing happened, the bulbs obviously blown, Nick then throwing Alicia his torch instead, signalling for her to hold it as he started searching for the shotgun. He tore through cupboards and overturned the bookcases, Alicia watching aghast even as she guided him through the darkness, Chris standing sullenly in the doorway, Lourdes picking at her nails, her lower lip trembling.

"Voila!" Nick bellowed triumphantly, pulling out from behind the sofa an oblong bundle clumsily wrapped up in brown tape and canvas cloth. "I knew it was here!"

"You're the man, Clark," Chris said, rolling his eyes, "now can we go?"

"Not until we find the shells for the shotgun," Nick said, addressing Chris as if he was an imbecile, "and by shells, I don't mean she-sells-seashells-on-the-sea-shore. I'm talking about ammunition, implements of war" -

\- "I'll find the shells," Alicia cut across him, handing Chris the torch, effectively ending the argument. As the others searched for the shells, Lourdes drifted over to the window, dimly aware of a dog barking in the distance, not Timmy, but another dog, it's bark a dull droning whine, its ululating howl making the hairs stand up at the back of her neck. A flash of movement caught her eye, making Lourdes draw the curtain back further, only to see several figures staggering down the road, making past the drive of Madison's house. One had become many, making Lourdes whirl around, dark eyes wide with panic.

"What is it?" Nick said, instantly alert, rushing over to the window.

Wordlessly, Lourdes pointed, Nick grabbing the windowsill for support as one of the figures turned into Madison's driveway, heading straight for the house.

 _Beholden now I find myself awake_ _  
_ _Waiting on the edge again…_ _  
_


	13. Hold On For Your Life

**Hold On For Your Life**

"What is it?" Chris demanded, coming over, Alicia following, brow furrowing.

" _Them_ ," Nick choked out, slumping against the sill, face bloodless, "out - outside."

"One of them is heading for the house," Lourdes said, making for the door, lifting up the still wrapped shotgun from the table as she moved, "we – we need to stop it."

"Give me that," Alicia snapped, all but snatching the package from Lourdes's fingers, quickly tearing the tape and canvas off it. "You couldn't hit a barn door" -

Nick suddenly screamed, reeling back from the window, the curtain falling back into place, but not before they all saw a ravaged face pressed against the glass.

"Out, _now_!" Chris yelled, shoving Lourdes in front of him, Alicia right behind her. "Come on, Clark!" he bellowed at Nick, who was just standing there, staring at the window, listening to the creature clawing at the glass with its dead fingers.

Nick shook his head, before turning and tearing out of the room, moving at an odd half limping, half running gait, Chris hard on his heels, catching up with the girls by the front door. All four flung themselves in the direction of the fruit cage, ducking their heads as they dove within, the leaves from the trailing vines tangling in their hair, a nail catching on Nick's slacks, tearing the fabric as he jerked his leg free.

Chris clambered over the fence first, knocking over one of the metal wastebins as he did, losing his balance slightly. When he was on the other side, Alicia carefully handed him the shotgun, before allowing him to help her over the fence in turn. As Alicia dropped down onto the ground, Lourdes perched precariously atop one of the now askew metal wastebins, when the sound of her father shouting suddenly shattered the silence of the night, startling them all. Upon hearing somebody thumping upon the French doors, and finding neither Nick or the others in the house, only an agitated German Shepherd trashing his study, Travis had went outside, thinking it was one of the kids, only to be attacked by the undead.

"Dad!" Lourdes screamed, seeing Travis wrestling with the corpse in the middle distance, Madison appearing between the French doors, brandishing a baseball bat.

"Give me the gun!" Alicia screeched, grabbing it from Chris, who staggered back, no longer caring about being careful. She ran towards the house, just at the same time Madison rushed forwards, bringing the baseball bat down on the corpse, momentarily sending it sprawling.

"The shells!?" Nick demanded, turning to Chris, gripping the fence from behind where Lourdes was perched atop the metal wastebin. "Where are the fucking shells!?"

Chris paled. "The house," he said stupidly, "they're still in the house."

Without another word, Lourdes flung herself back over the fence, nearly crashing into Nick, the two of them then tearing down the crazy paving path, Nick clutching his side, sweat dripping down his ashen face. Lourdes burst into the house, rushing through the rooms, her foot catching on the corner of a carpet, sending her flying, almost crashing into a sewing machine. Righting herself, she grabbed the wall, propelling herself onwards, Nick raiding the cupboards again, emptying the various bundles and boxes out onto the floor, strewing their contents all across the faded carpet.

Gasping, Lourdes made for the mantelpiece, nearly tripping over her own feet again. "Here!" she cried, finding an ornate carved box, flipping the lid open. But as she did, she dropped it, the cardboard box of shells within the wooden confines crashed to the floor, scattering the shells like confetti.

"Jeesh, be careful with that shit, man!" Nick yelled, flinching, only to start violently again as the creature from outside flung itself against the glass.

Ignoring it, Lourdes dropped to her knees, snatching the cardboard box up, dumping it on the table, Nick kneeling down beside her, hastily scooping up the loose shells, his hand accidentally brushing hers, making Lourdes jerk her own hand back.

"I said I was sorry," Nick said in a wild rush, dumping a handful of shells atop the table, "and I meant it, okay?"

"Just – just forget it, okay!?" Lourdes said wildly. "Let's just get this shit and go" - She froze, her eye irrationally caught by an empty pill-bottle atop the table, lying on its side, the sight incongruous against the elegant curve of the teacup beside it. She turned her head slowly, motioning Nick to be quiet, his mouth clamping shut in confusion.

Brow furrowing, Nick followed her scared stare, over to where he had left one of the cupboard doors lying wide open, creating a partial barrier between the living room and the room beyond. Outside, the creature continued to attack the window in its vain attempts to reach the occupants within, but Nick and Lourdes were now oblivious to its existence, only seeing the door swing slightly on its hinges, a pair of small bare feet appearing in the gap between the carpet and the bottom of the door. Whoever it was just stood there. Then it took a step forwards, resurrecting Nick and Lourdes back to life, the two of them tearing out of the room, Nick grabbing the box of shells as he went.

Somehow they were outside, Lourdes not even remembering leaving the house, her mind a blank blur. She rushed ahead, into the dark embrace of the fruit cage, ducking her head as she moved, Nick behind her, panting heavily, sounding like he was ready to collapse. A dark figure suddenly loomed out of the darkness, landing heavily on top of Lourdes, making her scream. Lashing out, Lourdes's arm collided with her unseen assailant, sending herself sprawling at the same time, crashing into Nick, who collided into one of the posts, his head bouncing almost comically off it.

"What the hell are you doing!?" Alicia screeched, lunging at Lourdes, shoving her hard back. "Why are you attacking me!?"

"Are you insane!?" Lourdes screeched back, shoving Alicia again, making her stagger. "Why the hell are _you_ attacking me!?"

"Never mind that shit!" Alicia spat. "Just give me the goddamn shells!"

"What the fuck!?" Nick yelled, clutching his aching head with one hand, whilst clutching the box of shells with the other, almost obvious to the argument unfolding. "What the goddamn fuck!?" -

Lourdes suddenly went sideways again, letting out a shrill scream, drowning out the rest of his outburst, her head then just as suddenly snapping back, something grabbing her long dark hair like a rope and yanking her backwards, making her spine slam into a wooden post. Alicia screamed in almost accompaniment, rushing forwards, only to reel back at the sight of the zombified Susan Tran, her ravaged face framed by the gap in the fence, making Alicia's hand fly to her mouth, tears pooling in her eyes.

"Lo!" Nick shouted, shoving the box of shells in Alicia's other hand, barging her aside at the same time. " _Lo!_ " As Lourdes twisted and turned wildly, screaming, trying and failing to break free, Nick grabbed her head, holding her still, before brutally bending Susan's fingers back, breaking them one at a time, his eyes bulging with the effort, Susan's grip as grim as death, and then Lourdes was suddenly free, collapsing into Nick's arms, the two of them then staggering towards the fence, Alicia already gone.

"Comeonecomeoncomeon," Lourdes half sobbed, scrabbling to gain traction as she climbed, Nick boosting her up, before following, his long limbs giving him the advantage, and he was over the side of the fence before Lourdes was, turning to help her over -

"Lo!" Nick yelled again as Susan suddenly appeared out of the gloom, right behind Lourdes, who was still halfway over the fence, her exhausted body suddenly failing her. At his shout, Lourdes's head whipped around, only to see Susan lunging at her, Lourdes throwing herself over the fence at the same time, Nick catching her, just as Susan grabbed her trainer. A bizarre tug of war commenced, Nick's arms wrapped around Lourdes's waist, trying to painfully drag her over the fence, its wooden ridges scraping against her ribs, Lourdes screaming as she tried desperately to tear her foot free.

Then her shoe suddenly slid off, and Lourdes went catapulting into Nick, sending her crashing on top of him, the two of them then rolling over and over in the overgrown grass. Caught in a tangle of limbs, Nick's body heavy on hers, Lourdes's brain blanked out. Pummeling Nick with her fists, he feebly tried to restrain her, yelling at her to calm down. Screaming, she lashed out again, her elbow connecting with his face, knocking Nick backwards, crashing onto the ground. Then she was running, heading blindly for the house, the tears rolling down her cheeks, mucus streaming out of her nose.

Grabbing one of the French doors for support, Lourdes froze in the doorway, panic paralyzing her at the tableau before her: Madison supporting an exhausted looking Travis, the two of them covered in blood, the baseball bat lying abandoned on the floor; Alicia half crouched behind the sofa, hands clamped over her mouth, as though to strangle a scream; Liza clutching Chris to her, her arms forming a cage; all of them watching with wide eyes as Daniel Salazar advanced with cold deliberation upon the corpse, shotgun raised.

The corpse tilted its head to the side, its white eyes almost contemplative as it considered Daniel, all of its attention focused on him alone now. It had once been a man, tall and burly, with a burgeoning beer belly, the cranberry coloured T-shirt covered in what looked like oil and blood. Daniel's jaw tightened, and he suddenly pulled the trigger, making everybody shout or scream in shock, the corpse collapsing against the wall. Time seemed to slow down, then the corpse raised its head, revealing a bloodied face peppered with bird-shot, the gesture almost defiant.

Eyes narrowing, Daniel took another deliberate step forwards, merely pulling the trigger again, blowing the corpse's head half off its shoulders, making it finally collapse like a puppet without its strings. Lourdes turned her head away, scrunching up her eyes, but nobody else reacted, only staring at the empty spot where the corpse had just stood once seconds before. Daniel merely surveyed the slaughter before coolly handing Madison the shotgun, leaving the room with several swift strides, the sound of his footsteps running up the stairs fading into the distance.

 _The night is blind_  
 _So hard to find_  
 _The way back home..._


	14. Walls

**Author's Note:** A new _Fear The Walking Dead_ one-shot, _Fight or Flight_ , chronicling Vida's journey after her group's failed attempt to take the _Abigail_ , can be found under the 'My Stories' section of my profile. A new video can be found on Youtube under: **don't leave this world to me | nick clark & lourdes (oc)**.

* * *

 **Walls**

"Lourdes, _bebita_." The sound of Liza's trembling voice broke the silence that hung almost like a spell over the room, bringing everybody back to life, the stench of death acrid in the air. Within moments, mother and daughter were in each others' arms, Lourdes burying her face in Liza's shoulder, the tears running down her cheeks. "It's okay, baby girl," Liza soothed, running her hand over Lourdes's tangled dark hair, "I'm here now." In her touch was silent apology for attending to the Salazar family's needs before those of her own children, the act almost serving as penance for being prepared to leave the Salazars' behind, even after they had given her and hers shelter. But Lourdes understood; that her mother had always been a healer at heart, putting others before herself, expecting her offspring to do the same.

"Timmy," Lourdes then said brokenly, raising her head as she spoke, Liza cupping her chin, "he's - he's all torn up" -

\- "I'll take a look at him," Liza firmly promised as Chris collapsed down on the sofa, Alicia slowly rising to her feet, pushing the tumbled hair out of her eyes, "I'll patch him up" -

\- "We've got more things to worry about than a damned dog," Madison snapped, startling Liza and Lourdes, ignoring Travis's restraining hand, "there's a passel of strangers seemingly on my neck now and a corpse in my living room to boot - where the hell is Nick!?" she suddenly demanded, rounding on everyone, eyes wild. "Where the fuck is my son!?"

"I'm here, Mom," Nick said in a dead voice as he stepped through the French doors, "so don't create."

Madison rushed forwards, followed by Alicia, the two of them throwing themselves on top of Nick, sending him almost reeling. But he awkwardly regained his balance, just standing there, almost enduring their embrace, Madison exclaiming loudly over his bloodied nose. "What the hell happened to your face, Nick!?" she said in disbelief. "Did someone attack you!?"

Nick didn't look at Lourdes. "It's nothing, Mom," he said in the same dead voice, before deliberately detaching himself from her arms, heading out into the hallway instead, Madison making to go after him, Alicia stopping her, shaking her head wordlessly.

As Madison then went over to inspect the corpse, Alicia hanging back, wrapping her arms around herself, Travis nervously went over to Lourdes, feeling like a thousand years had passed since he had spoken to his daughter in the truck. Like Liza, he had prioritized the Salazars above his own family, only ensuring his son and daughter were safe with his step-children, before dealing with the most pressing problem at hand. "Lourdes," Travis said anxiously, hesitating before drawing him to her, careful to keep her at arm's length from his bloodied clothes, "I'm sorry - I'm sorry I couldn't'" -

\- "Don't," Lourdes whispered, "don't - don't talk about it."

As she spoke, Madison turned around, brow furrowing, looking at Lourdes as if she had never seen her before, Travis having not told Madison what had happened to Lourdes in the barbershop. Madison raised a questioning eyebrow at Alicia, who once again shook her head, all but saying for her mother to butt out. As Travis pressed his lips to Lourdes's forehead, he saw this bit of byplay, Madison's gaze immediately meeting his, almost demanding an answer, Travis shooting her a warning look in turn, silently saying, _not now_. He glanced over at Chris sitting on the sofa, shoulders hunched, head bent forwards. Sensing his father's stare, Chris looked up, the expression in his eyes one of turmoil, defiant and vulnerable all at once. Travis jerked his chin, holding his other arm out, Chris remaining rooted to the sofa, before suddenly flinging himself forwards, clinging to Travis and Lourdes, a little boy once again.

* * *

Lourdes flung herself into her bedroom, pressing her back against the wooden paneling of the door, the silence shoring her up like a lifebelt. After the teens had told of the other dead swarming the sidewalk; of the lone one outside Susan's house, as well as Susan herself now haunting the fence that divided the properties, Travis and Madison had gone outside to see what the score was, Madison armed with the shotgun, Travis with the baseball bat. In their absence, Chris, Lourdes and Alicia had helped Liza patch Timmy up, Lourdes keeping the dog calm, holding his head in her lap, Alicia assisting Liza with a deft hand, helping Liza disinfect and then dress his wounds with clean bedsheets Chris had cut up. Despite appearances, the injuries were thankfully superficial, but Liza warned they would need to change the dressings daily, as well as checking to see how it was healing to ensure there was no infection.

Timmy was now shut up again in Travis's study, Lourdes having made a lame attempt to tidy up her father's papers and books, Alicia constructing a bed for Timmy out of Nick's old Batman duvet, before giving him a bowl of water and some doggie treats that they kept on hand for whenever Timmy wandered over for a visit. Liza had then gone upstairs to check on Griselda, Alicia and Chris going outside despite Lourdes warning them not to, the teens arguing they were going to help Madison and Travis secure the property, arming themselves with a kitchen knife apiece. Lourdes had watched from the window as Chris and Alicia had closed and locked the driveway gates, Travis keeping careful guard, Madison standing at the fence, studying Susan with disbelieving eyes, the shotgun almost hanging uselessly at her side.

That's when the full impact of Susan's new state of being had hit Alicia, making her cool and collected exterior finally crack, her wild incoherent cries shattering the silence outside, Lourdes managing to make out 'Matt' being screamed several times. Now Lourdes was here, half closing her eyes, willing what was left of the world away, Madison and Travis now shouting at each other from downstairs, arguing about what they were going to do with the dead body decomposing on Madison's best rug. The last time Lourdes had heard her father sound like that had been the day he'd announced he was leaving Liza, that he'd had enough, Liza sarcastically echoing his sentiment. Her parents had filed for divorce soon after that, Madison appearing on the scene around about the same time, Lourdes wondering even now if her father had been having an affair with Madison whilst he'd still been married to her mother. Yet somehow Lourdes's suspicions weren't edged with resentment, only a faint pity for her father failing his usually staunch principles, supposing he could only go where his heart led him.

Exhaling sharply, Lourdes reasoned none of it mattered, that nothing really did, not now. She glanced around at the glaring pink and white walls, yet another reminder of the past, embodying what she had once taken for granted, an ignominious existence where her biggest problem had been what Chinese dish she would choose when Madison ordered take-out. Before Lourdes had moved into Madison's house, Madison had went out her way to make Lourdes feel welcome, turning the spare room into Lourdes's bedroom, painting it hot pink and blinding white, hanging up matching curtains and bedding, unwittingly becoming the architect of Lourdes's worst nightmare. But Lourdes had hidden her horror, for her father's sake at least, and over time, she had become used to being in Barbie hell.

Pulling the sleeves of Chris's hoodie over her hands, Lourdes tiredly guessed the subject of bedrooms would soon become a sore one. Where Liza and Chris would sleep, as well as the Salazar family, Lourdes could only theorize. Plus, with four of them already fighting for bathroom supremacy, adding six more people to the mix, including Nick, Lourdes figured full scale war would soon break out. There was only four bedrooms to be had in Madison's house including Lourdes's own, Alicia possessing the biggest, her room a mixture of sleeping quarters and a study, whilst Travis and Madison had the second biggest bedroom, Nick's the smallest, barely big enough to swing a cat in. But he'd hardly ever been home, always seeking sanctuary on the streets, exiling himself into obscurity, Madison turning his room into a shrine, as if he were already dead.

But now Nick was back, and already Lourdes could sense the strife his return had wrought, disturbing the tenuous balance that had sprung up during his abrupt absences. There was a precarious peace when Nick was away, even as Lourdes hated to admit it, and as she straightened up, she knew she had to make her own peace with him, in order to find peace within herself. After Tobias, Nick was her only other ally, and soon he was going to be family, Travis and Madison all but engaged, marriage the next natural step. Yet it was more than easy for hatred to ferment in her heart towards him, the emotion exacerbated by the memory of his indifference earlier, even as he'd apologized afterwards. Tobias had once called Nick kind, but for all that, Lourdes had never known anybody as self-centered or selfish as Nick, only caring about scoring his next hit, no matter how much it hurt the people who cared about him the most. Nick was broken, and now he was breaking his family, smashing what they shared to smithereens.

As she sat there, Lourdes could feel that familiar anger beginning to stir like a storm within her, the same anger she felt when she had play peacebroker, feeling like she was being dragged in twenty different directions by the fractured fragments of her family. She was meant to be the generic good girl; a diligent student and dutiful daughter; the child undamaged by divorce. Lourdes didn't like seeing herself through the eyes of an audience, feeling hemmed in high expectations, her parents and Madison believing in her more than anyone, putting even more pressure on her shoulders.

Lourdes bowed her head, closing her eyes, struggling to subdue the storm in her heart, to curb it before it blew out of control. She knew she should be glad that her family cared; that Madison cared, that she wasn't the stereotypical wicked stepmother, but Lourdes had seen firsthand the harm the pursuit for perfection caused; from those who expected it and those who pretended to possess it, Alicia being a prime example, every emotion reined in, dissected and dismantled; edited before being exhibited; always too aware of the image she presented to the world, from the brand of sneakers she wore to her school grades.

Travis had blindly believed the two girls would be good friends; both high achievers; both enrolling in the same college; both perfect daughters who made their parents proud. Alicia had consequently viewed Lourdes as competition, a threat to her throne, and so she'd actuated attack after attack, launching lies defaming Lourdes's character. But as the world began to slowly unravel, fiction was in danger of becoming fact, Lourdes threatening to be all Alicia accused her of, Madison more than noting the material change in Lourdes. Yet her rebellion had begun before the flu outbreak, Lourdes acquiring a taste for crossing lines thanks to Tobias, even as she'd almost pissed her pants when she had nearly been caught smashing up Dominic Fratto's prize Porsche with a baseball bat, Tobias taking the rap.

For the past few hellish hours, Lourdes had experienced every emotion going, holding nothing back; saying what she wanted to who she wanted, doing what she wanted, disobeying direct orders, and deep down, she knew she'd enjoyed finding freedom in doing what the fuck she wanted. She had become Nick, and now she was blaming Nick, centring on him all the suffocation she felt, holding him wholly responsible, even as it was illogical, Lourdes's tangled train of thought becoming caught up on itself, losing any essence of sense. But at the back of her mind, she knew fate had failed Nick, and now she was paying for his failure as Alicia had, Madison trying to save them from themselves, only to damn them to their downfall.

* * *

 _If I don't get high_ _  
_ _I won't get low_ _  
_ _And I find her strange_ _  
_ _She wants to climb up_ _  
_ _But she could fall…_

"Come to finish off what you started?" Nick said sarcastically as Lourdes edged her way into the tiny utility room, shoulders hunched, hands curled up in the sleeves of Chris's hoodie. "My nose not enough, huh? Want to break some more bones while you're at it?"

"Your nose is broken?" Lourdes said stupidly, reaching out to his face, only for Nick to flinch back from her fingers.

"It goddamn feels broken," Nick flared up, turning back to the mirror, tentatively touching his swollen nose, blood now crusting his nostrils.

"Then let me goddamn check!"

" _You!?_ " Nick said in disbelief. "Okay, maybe I deserved a slap for being such a tool earlier, but out there, I was _helping_ you, Lourdes, and you just flip out on me, man!"

Lourdes looked away. "Didn't you ever think why I flipped out?" she said through gritted teeth. "Especially after what happened? You – you were on top of me" -

\- "What, you'd think I'm actually capable of doing _that!?_ " Nick said incredulously. "I know I'm not up to much but there's a line I would never cross, Lo, _never!_ "

Lourdes just stood there, fists clenching by her sides, fingers curling uselessly into claws. "See, this is what you do, Nick," she then said slowly, turning to face him, eyes suddenly exhausted, "you make it about you – the spotlight always has to be centered on _you_. When you were away, we would always be waiting for that call to say you'd been found – we were always waiting to drop everything for you. We couldn't live our lives because of you. But shit started to change, we started to live again, slowly but surely, and then the world suddenly went to pot, with the dead walking, but again, none of that matters, because again it always has to be about you!" -

\- "Yeah, well, it doesn't give you the right to deck me, Lo!"

"No, it doesn't," Lourdes suddenly snapped, "and I'm sorry - I'm sorry I hurt you, but I just can't take anymore, Nick, okay!?" She turned away from him, fighting the furious tears threatening to fall. "I can't... I can't do this, I just can't," she said, gripping her hair between her hands, remembering everything that had led to this moment, the detritus of destruction, her life lying in ruins at her feet.

Half closing his eyes, Nick bowed his head, a boy trying to bear a man's burden, Lourdes suddenly out of his reach, her agony isolating her further from him. He had his own demons to wrestle, but chaos had always been his constant companion, becoming an old friend, Nick never far from a fresh fall of grace. Yet at the back of his mind, her ire irked him, Nick becoming pissed at her self-pity since she wasn't the only one suffering, that they had all been through hell and back, and that the experience would probably be repeated often in the days ahead. But even as he thought this, guilt and rage coursed through him again at what Lourdes had undergone, making him want to punch the wall, his knuckles still badly scraped from striking the wooden post outside.

As the silence stretched out between them, Lourdes impatiently pushed the hair out of her eyes, flinching at the sound of her father shouting at Madison again, the two of them still fighting over the corpse lying in the lounge. "Jesus Christ," Lourdes muttered, "Jesus _fucking_ Christ" -

\- "Lourdes" -

\- "I'm sorry, okay?" Lourdes cried, flinging her hands up, startling Nick. "Now can we just forget about it!?"

"Sure, whatever you want," Nick said sarcastically, half turning from her, wishing she would just leave, "consider it done."

Again, Lourdes just stood there, jaw clenching painfully, fighting that familiar angry frustration now rising afresh in her again. She had sought out Nick to restore her troubled spirit to some sort of order, only to find herself in further turmoil, and somehow the blame now lay with her rather than Nick. "Let me see your nose," she said abruptly, making Nick raise his eyebrows in disbelief, lending him an almost comical look. "I'm not going to keep asking."

"Maybe you will," Nick snapped. "Why the hell would I unleash you on my nose again? Anyone in their right mind would keep their hooter well out of your reach!"

"You're insane, you know that!?"

"So is everything else around here in case you haven't noticed" -

\- "Nose now, okay!?"

At this, Nick just rolled his eyes, before unwillingly surrendering, tensing up under Lourdes's tentative touch as she brushed the hair out of his eyes. "Chris got his nose bust last year," she said to break the awkward silence, standing on tip-toe, before placing two fingers either side of Nick's swollen nose, gently pressing the pads of her fingertips against its bridge, making him hiss slightly, "some guys outside the convenience store near our mom's apartment – one of them walked into Chris, and Chris overreacted, completely flipping out" -

\- "Ath alwaths," Nick said, his voice now bizarrely pitched, "tell me sumthin' new."

" _Anyways_ ," Lourdes said as though he hadn't spoken, "he didn't want to go to hospital to get checked over, so Mom patched up him, and she taught me how to check if a nose was broken or not. So there endeth my story."

"Well, God bless your healing hands," Nick said, jerking his head out of her hold, "that's all I can say."

"Whatever," Lourdes said, making for the door as she spoke, "don't say I'm not good to you."

"You're nothing but utter beneficence," Nick retorted, following her out into the hall, "did I ever imply otherwise?"

"Shut up," Lourdes snapped over her shoulder, "and go and wash your face."

"That's top of my list of priorities," Nick snapped back, "above clean underwear and avoiding being eaten by the dead" -

\- "Yeah, yeah" -

\- "How's Timmy?" Nick cut across her. "Your mom sort him out?"

Lourdes ran her hand down the side of her face, the mention of Timmy instantly sobering her up. "Yeah," she said, her voice cracking, "we helped my mum patch him up. He's resting in my dad's study right now."

"Good," Nick said, exhaling sharply, his shoulders slumping with relief, "that's good." He hesitated before briefly clasping Lourdes's shoulder, nodding at her as he did, Lourdes nodding back, not flinching from his fingers, some restrained modicum of trust momentarily restored. Letting go of Lourdes, Nick glanced up as Liza came into the hall, followed by Daniel Salazar, the two of them contrasting strongly against the other, Liza the epitome of exhaustion, Daniel cool and collected despite everything that had just occurred, as if he hadn't just blasted a man's brains out.

"Is everything okay?" Lourdes asked anxiously, glancing between her mother and Daniel, brow furrowing.

"I was just going to ask if there was anything stronger than aspirin in your bathroom cabinet," Liza said, impatiently pushing the hair out of her eyes, the gesture forcibly reminding Nick of Lourdes. "I've been through every goddamn cupboard in this house and can't find it, _nada_."

"No, there's nothing," Nick said nonchalantly, "and believe me, I've checked."

Liza exhaled sharply, tilting her head back and half closing her eyes, before turning and heading back up the stairs, but not before shooting an accusatory glance over her shoulder at Nick, her lips thinning in disgust. In order to relieve Griselda's pain, she needed strong analgesics, and with none at hand, she was helpless to help her patient. Nick watched her go, forcibly reminded all over again of Lourdes, the slam of a door upstairs loudly announcing Liza's anger more than words.

"I suppose you can't shoot up on aspirin," Lourdes snapped, rounding on Nick, ignoring Daniel who was watching them with deliberate disinterest.

"Been there, done that," Nick snapped back, "got totally grounded – can't get high on freaking _aspirin_ , man." He then shuffled off, hands thrust into the pockets of his slacks, shoulders hunched.

"Who's Edward Scissorhands, huh?" Daniel asked, making Lourdes glance up, jerking his head at Nick's retreating back as he spoke. "Your brother?"

"No," Lourdes said tiredly, "that's Nick, he's Madison's son."

Frowning, Daniel then looked up the stairs, eyes narrowing, jaw working. "Your mother's attempts to atone are amusing to watch," he said, startling Lourdes, "for a woman who was prepared to throw us to the wolves, she now can't do enough for us." He raised his eyebrows at Lourdes, almost daring her to challenge the truth, even as she had been the one to stop her mother from doing the very same thing he spoke of.

"She didn't do it though, did she?" Lourdes said slowly, evading giving an outright answer, the ground suddenly unsure beneath her feet. She remembered all too vividly the hooded men who stalked the chaotic sidewalk, their hands on her, and suddenly she was sure of where she stood, understanding why Liza had acted so, trying to protect Lourdes from the darkness, and in that moment, Lourdes loathed Daniel for trying to make her doubt her own mother.

"She is a fierce woman," Daniel said, holding Lourdes's gaze, his eyes almost onyx, "and she will do the wrong thing for the right reason" -

\- "She didn't leave you behind, did she!?" Lourdes suddenly snapped. "I goddamn made sure she didn't!"

"But what happens when she leaves _you_ behind?" Daniel said, shrugging his shoulders, stunning Lourdes. "Who will stand up and stop her then?"


End file.
